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"Only sixty more meters! Come on guys!" - Commonapp-ECA <150words


mariatateno 6 / 35  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
I only have a day or so left till I have to submit it.
Please be as harsh as needed, I will try my best to see your essay in return.

"Only sixty more meters! Come on guys!" I looked down at my peers clambering over icy roots, their boots sinking deep into the snow. We had been hiking for three days now, waking up at 3:00am to aches and bruises from carrying our massive backpacks. Cooking utensils, warm dry clothes, fuel, a tent, a sleeping bag, and our water supply was strapped onto our backs as we endured twelve hours of cruel whippings of beads of ice from the fierce wind up the mountain. The Duke of Edinburgh expedition was the toughest challenge I had ever been through both physically and mentally. Despite the harsh weather conditions and negative atmosphere around my tired, frustrated peers, I tried my best to stay positive and shout out encouragement to my group. This way, at least we knew we were all in it together and that someone believed we could do it.
Vbalandina 2 / 17  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
Hey, your essay is too short!
Break it into at least three paragraphs and develop each.

Your conclusion i rather weak, try to mention, how this exp influenced you, what you've learned.
Because now you simply describe it
OP mariatateno 6 / 35  
Dec 30, 2010   #3
It only gives 150 words...
I thought you're just supposed to elaborate on one extracurricular activity, no?
Thanks tho!
Ender 2 / 17  
Dec 30, 2010   #4
^It's a 150 word essay

he Duke of Edinburgh expedition was the toughest challenge I had ever been through both physically and mentally.

I would stay away from claims like these, personally, as this type of essay topic is a bit cliche, so don't be so melodramatic, I personally don't see the need to describe every detail. Instead, have some personal details/specifics which will make the essay stand out. Anything specifically special/positive which you did? It seems like an essay that's cut short. A lot of detail describing the challenge but not much about what you liked/learned from it.

(no need to read my essays btw, as I've changed mine)
mbanani 8 / 26  
Jan 1, 2011   #5
I personally prefer the first update (Post #5) however i think you need a stronger ending, other than that .. i think u should go with Post #5 not that last one .. check my essays and tell me what you think ?? Thanks a lot and good luck


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