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"my skateboard headed to my sanctuary" (who I am - suggestions/opinions)


abc915195 1 / -  
Nov 24, 2010   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

It was a bright autumn Wednesday, the winds had not yet began to pick up, the leaves have yet began to change hues and the weather was placid-a perfect day to go skateboarding. The road was empty, no cars or pedestrians, just me on my skateboard headed to my sanctuary, Barnes Park. Though I've skated at this suburbia playground hundreds of times before, every session has made an impact on me in some way, either spiritually or emotionally. Skateboarding at other places does not give me the same feeling as skating at Barnes Park. Only at this location, can I reflect on my deepest feelings and thoughts, and only at this place can I solve emotional problems that occasionally come my way.

On a Saturday or Sunday, kids can be seen playing at the local playground, other times, the local baseball teams could be seen playing each other on the baseball team. Classmates of mine often swim at the Barnes park pool after school and the tennis team often practices on the park courts. Just like how these activities are allocated to areas of the park, skateboarding is allocated to a flat area under the vacant food court. Whether skating alone or with friends, skating at this area always generates a sense of emotional release as stress and anger fades away from my body the moment I step onto my board. Skating at other places does not fell the same as skating here, primarily because my friends and family are nearby. A sense of security and warmth seems to encompass the entire park, as if no external corruption can ever pollute the park of its healing powers on my mind and soul.

I've grown to enjoy skateboarding as a passion and a hobby ever since sophomore year. It was at Barnes Park, that I discovered a new group of close friends when I was lonely, and it was here that I discovered the power of skateboarding on the mind and soul. Many nostalgic memories can be traced back to the wooden worn out benches that lay at the park, times I shared with friends, and times I shared with myself. I've grown up with skateboarding at the park, and I can remember vivid transformations the park has undergone, such as new concrete, new vending machines, or new swings. These improvements are allusions to the emotional growth that has shaped me into a better person and made my life better. Maturity, intelligence, friends, family and a better self-understanding of myself, were all developed while skateboarding at the park. Though I will momentarily say goodbye to this place of harmony when I move to college, I will never forget the life changing effects it has had on me.

this is my first draft.
any suggestions would be great. thanks in advance.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 24, 2010   #2
Hi,
You can write so well. There is no question about your writing ability. However, I have a doubt whether you cover everything the prompt is asking. I feel you touch on your admiration and love for the place you grew and barely talked about the human world around you such as your family, community or school. Just give some thought to this point. Your writing is perfect.
just1crazychika - / 1  
Nov 24, 2010   #3
i dont really agree what the person before me put about needing to write about the "human world." there isnt a wrong way to describe your world, because everyones world is different. and your topic is fine. no need to change it!

this is really well written and you did a great job of describing your world (skateboarding) and what it means to you. You also talked about how it has affected you in a positive way which is good. However, you didnt really answer part 2 of the prompt. You need to write about how your love for skateboarding has shaped your dreams/aspirations. they dont have to be specific career goals or anything you can just simply write about idk how you hope to one day teach (your little bro or cousin) how to skateboard so they too can gain stuff out of it haha idk. or you can talk about how you hope to never lose your passion for riding . idk though sorry i cant think of anything good haha


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