Prompt: In brief, why do you feel that Skidmore is a good match for your academic and personal goals? (700 characters)
Well tell me if it works well. This college is one of my top choices and definitely want to make a good impression. *I am applying ED for this college.
Because Skidmore is the next stop in my life road map. Skidmore appeals to me not only because of the brilliant faculty who would teach me there but also because it will allow my curious mind to explore new horizons in this wild world full of independent minds. Because I will have the opportunity to discuss "Don Quixote" by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra with Professor Burton and learn about "Plato's Dialectical Method" from Professor Gonzalez. With the help of Skidmore's community I will not only learn a great variety of languages and cultures, but also experiment these cultures through the International Affairs' study abroad programs. I desire to learn and work as fast and effectively as a Thoroughbred!
Great work! You used the 700 characters very well!
Clever and great idea, by including the specific professors names.
Def. an impressive detail.
Good luck!
You use too often the same sentence structure.
Because...
Because Skidmore is the next stop in my life road map.
I have learnt never to start to sentence with Because. It sounds awkward. How about this:
I believe Skidmore is the next stop in my life road map.
Skidmore It appeals to me not only because of the brilliant teaching faculties who would teach me there but also because it will allows my curious mind to explore new horizons in this wild??(Let's find a substitute) world full of independent??(let's reconsider this word, complex might work) minds.
At best, sentence needs to be rewritten
I vicariously dream of discussing "Don Quixote" by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra with Professor Burton and learning about "Plato's Dialectical Method" from Professor Gonzalez .
I hope that you will consider rewriting it. Since this is your first choice college; you must be carefully deal with the essay too.
Prajwal
Thanks guys.
What do you think about this:
In brief, why do you feel that Skidmore is a good match for your academic and personal goals?
1
Skidmore is the next stop in my life road map. Skidmore is a good match for me not only because of the brilliant teaching faculty who will mentor me through my college life and beyond but also because it will allow my curious mind to explore new horizons in this diverse world full of complex minds. I vicariously dream of discussing "Don Quixote" by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra with Professor Burton and learn about "Plato's Dialectical Method" from Professor Gonzalez. I am eager to discover new languages and cultures through the International Affairs' study abroad programs to develop and transform myself to become a multi-cultural student, doer. Thus, I am willing to learn and work as fast and effectively as a Thoroughbred!
2
As a new student at Skidmore, I will not conform myself with only attending the beautiful campus. I will not only feel proud to answer questions about where do I attend college to people while walking on the fifth street at NYC on a Sunday's evening. No. I will answer proudly to these people that I am part of the varsity soccer team at Skidmore and that I am a Thoroughbred. I will enjoy saying that I am part of the school's band and that I play my guitar as a soloist opening school's concerts because I found in Skidmore more inspiration to fulfill my musical talents. I will let them with an opened mouth when I tell them that in Skidmore I am part of Phi Sigma Iota and SOAR clubs and in those, I will say, I learn in daily basis about my passion-cultures. I know Skidmore and I will be one and that I will offer this community my time and effort to contribute to it as much as it will contribute me. I am eager to study and learn at Skidmore, but I am more eager to use this knowledge and do, act.
I agree with Rabia. In fact you do not need to use I believe. It sounds pretty good without that.
However you still have something more to consider.
teaching faculty who I will find in class
I do not understand that you are expecting to find teachers only in class. This is a redundancy. Pls avoid it
I rewrote them a little bit:
Tell me if these sound better. =)
Ya they of course sound better. I can say you have improved your chance of acceptance.
Thank you...=)
Any more comments?
Guys I need to apply today!! Do you have any advice and/or feedback in any form?
my vote goes for the 1st essay :)
it's much more smooth and flowy, which makes me feel that you are confident in what you are saying.
I like the variety of things you describe in the second essay and the ending (that you will not only learn but also ACT), but the continuous repeptition of "I wont do onlythis" makes it a rough intro
Thanks. Once again. =)
Yeah I thought so about the second draft and I might change that but I still don't know because that was what my AP Gov teacher told me to do. But I think I agree more with you. +)
Anymore comments, advice, grammar? Thank you again.
I like it without "i believe" personally, it sounds more confident.
Beest of luck with whatever life brings you and I hope you get accepted to your first choice. I'm trying to do the same thing, and the deadline is drawing near
I don't think I use "I believe" in neither of my essays. Where?
If you need help just put the link and I'll help you. =)
(Question about commonapp: so if the deadline is 15Jan,
is the deadline 14Jan 11:59:59 or 15Jan 11:59:59?
I've sent it in anyways, but just wondering :/lol)
For essay 1, I can't find any noteable grammatical mistakes, and you seem to have quite a firm grasp on the language & diction- nothing for me to comment on :( aww
I was a bit befuzzled at "vicariously", but I guess the smarter kids in town do use it regularly? lol
this intro is great!
if I'm an app dean, you're in ;)
goodluck!!
It is until tomorrow. =)
haha. Thank you so much hope we both made it. =P Good luck to you too.
