I was wondering if anyone could critique my essay.
Thanks in advance.
Here's the prompt:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
'Can't' is the single most disgusting word in the English language. Consequently, it is also by far the most powerful. No other word is as polarizing; no other word can evoke such dynamic and divergent reactions. 'Can't' causes some to break down and quit while driving others to rise above adversity and reach unparalleled heights. Throughout my life, the word has been the greatest motivator for me, inciting me to do things that no one thought possible.
It's impossible to count the times that I've been told that I'm incapable of doing something. The constant doubt extends throughout and before my life. Before my birth, my parents were told to abort me, sparing me from expected paralysis and autism. The stream of 'can'ts' didn't stop there. I was bowlegged, told that I'd never walk correctly, and that I'd never possess the fine motor skills to write. Mere months later, I was walking and playing with legos. When I decided to play football, others informed that I couldn't cut it. Four years later, I started on the varsity team. Even now, people are telling me that I can't get into this school, telling me that no matter how hard I try, I just won't be good enough.
Virtually all I've heard from anyone is that I can't. I'm always out to prove them wrong. Every time I state a goal of mine, someone always tells me that it's impossible. The assumption that I'm incapable lights a fire in me, and that fire fuels me in doing the impossible. Whenever someone voices suspicion in my abilities, whatever desire I had before is multiplied tenfold. Proving others wrong has become a way of life for me, and I hope that I can prove those that said I couldn't get into this university wrong. While at the University of Florida, the doubts of my parents and friends will continue to motivate me to do well, both academically and in the community of Gainesville. The fire that springs from 'can't' has taught me many things about myself. It has taught me that you truly can do anything that you put your mind to it. It's taught me to persevere through all difficulties, and that if you really, truly want something, you'll get it if you put forth enough effort.
A common phrase used for motivation states that 'the sky is the limit'. This statement encourages us to aim high, attempting to make us believe that anything that we want is possible. Throughout my life, I've always wondered something. Why limit yourself? Why say that the sky's all that you can reach? Every single time that I've heard someone say that the sky's the limit, my reaction has always been, and always will be, 'Why stop at the sky?'
Can't' is the single most disgusting word in the English language.
Really? Worse than 'genocide'? 'Pedophilia'?
No other word is as polarizing; no other word can evoke such dynamic and divergent reactions.
What about 'racism'?
My point is that your writing is quite good and your story compelling. You don't have to stray into ridiculous hyperbole to catch your reader's interest.
Yeah, "can't," on its own, without context, is a fairly innocuous word. As with many essays I see here, this one could benefit from having the first paragraph entirely deleted. That way, you start in on the interesting material right away. You will need to remove the other "can't" references if you do this, though.
