Guys please try filling in the blanks, giving some reviews and generally helping me out, AND QUICK!!!DEADLINE IN THREE DAYS...Also give me a frank time frame needed to perfect this essay. If your reading this...thanks a bunch!!
Q: Explain your interest in the major you selected. Describe an experience related to that area of study, what first introduced you to this field, and/or your future career goals. Limit your response to 300-400 words.
I loathe the phrase 'The sky is the limit', because for me, the sky is just the beginning. My tryst with the heavens began with video games. I had an airplane simulator which I loved to play. Though most 10-year olds would just play the game, I looked to the science and physics beyond it. I became obsessed with heavier-than-air flight, from its modest beginnings at Kitty Hawk to the jumbo jets of today. And not just the planes themselves, but how they flew, their efficiency, usage in WWI and WWII, and the evolution line of different airplanes to their modern day equivalents. The local library quenched my thirst for _____, and the internet helped me uncover the details that I craved for.
From 5th grade onwards, my fascinations about nature started to expand. I came across ornithology, the study of birds; meteorology, the study of weather systems; and cosmology, the study of outer space. I pursued them all with a curiosity my friends found to be dangerously contagious. I taught myself to identify different types of clouds, and what they meant. I spent hours on an end bird watching, with a pair of binoculars behind my house, cataloging different bird species that frolicked in my backyard. Though I never actively pursued stargazing, I loved to study forces of gravitation between planets, and Keplar's Laws of Planetary motion.
When I moved to India for my 6th grade, I was devastated when I found out libraries were scarce, and so I moved completely to online research. I faced my toughest challenge yet: adapting to the Indian culture and coming out with my original aspirations intact. Though After three long years I was changed, I pulled through with most of my passions untouched, and with a few new additions.
It was during my 10th and 11th that my aspirations as an engineer materialized. I excelled at mathematics and physics during these two defining years. The pieces fell neatly into place as I put the only 2 and 2 concerning my future together: I was to become an Aerospace engineer.
Having studied about the advancement of airplanes during WWII, I crave to jumpstart the next era of evolution in the world of aircraft. To do this, I need access to the world-class facilities in University of Illinois. So I look forward to joining you in pursuit of ______.
Sriram, I just finish reading your essay and overall review is, you were able to answer and provide an essay that the prompt is asking you for,
however, I don't see the details of your 5th and 6th grade to be very beneficial to your essay, I'm not saying that you have to eliminate this information but rather than
labelling them per grade, I say you write them as a continuing act towards achieving your goals for college.
Let's try below;
- From 5th grade onwards,M y fascinations about nature started to expand as early as 5th grade .
- When I moved to India for my 6th gradethe following year , I was
- Though After three long years I was changed,
- It was during my 10th and 11th thatThe next few years continued to fuel my aspirations as an engineer materialized .
- So I look forward to joining you in pursuit of ______.
Sriram, the above are my remarks and I hope it helped.
