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Sleep Paralysis - Essay on having a meaningful 'thing' which completes you as a person


joshcruz428 1 / 2  
Oct 14, 2015   #1
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

To rid myself of demons, all I have to do is twitch my pinky. Wiggling my fingers enables the rest of my hand to move, allowing me to fixate all my energy into breaking the invisible chains that bind me to my coffin. As I resist the ropes tying me down, I have to ignore the sensation of millions of unseen needles jabbing and numbing my body because revealing any fragment of weakness wrenches me down again, inviting the ghouls to return. Only after straining every muscle, stretching every sinew, and expelling every breath, can I liberate yourself from the imaginary monster's straitjacket. Only then, can I go back to sleep.

When the curse of sleep paralysis creeps into my bedroom almost every night, it brings nothing but a relentless determination to break my spirits with its hallucinatory weapons - the inability to move, the persistent screaming in my ear, the shadowy figure watching from the corner. These stimuli mercilessly bombard my senses, leading to an overwhelming sense of terror. The uphill battle of defeating this psychological enemy night after night quickly becomes exhausting, often causing me to question why I continue to fight. But sleep paralysis thrives off of fear, intensifying the mental anguish every time my courage falters. Though it took a few months to discover, I soon learned that panic, fear, and helplessness crumble when I stand firm.

There's no better word to describe the chronic perfectionist than 'paralyzed.' My life once resembled a series of carefully calculated chess moves, a tedious game with no egg timer. When things got hard, my bishop in danger, my knights cornered, my queen doomed, I always chose to forfeit. I'd abandon my current passion at the slightest hint of failure, all of my pawns intact, because I refused to move any of them. And as I hopped from board to board, chasing down the impossible flawless victory, the demons sat by and laughed.

During one of my more intense episodes of sleep paralysis, I imagined flames engulfing my house. The crackling wood and falling beams failed to drown out my internal screams as I desperately tried to break free of my invisible prison. However, safety concerns didn't induce my panic: the only thought that occupied my mind was the fact that paper was flammable, and the essay sitting on my desk was due tomorrow. When I finally freed myself from my literal paralysis, I realized that I remained mentally paralyzed, trapped by the chains of extreme prudence.

Twitch. I raised my hand to answer a hard question in class. Twitch. I volunteered to captain the precalculus team despite never taking the class before. Twitch. I auditioned for the All-State Orchestra. Twitch. I signed up for HL Math, arguably the hardest class in our IB curriculum. Twitch. I ordered the self-study AP Physics C book. Though seemingly insignificant, each pinky wiggle, each tiny step out of my comfort zone brought me closer to an awakening that was ignited by my failures: I got questions wrong, failed to teach certain concepts, tanked my audition, received a 40% on a test, and I still choke up when asked about Ampere's Law. But the temporary pains of failures, the unseen needles jabbing and numbing my body remain necessary obstacles to growth and awakening. My chronic sleep paralysis shows no signs of abating, but by removing the restrictions of a perfection-driven comfort zone, I can fearlessly explore life's boundaries, in my own flawed and imperfect, but ultimately liberated and self-determined way.
aikoashiya 1 / 39 26  
Oct 14, 2015   #2
I think you have a good content/topic to write about, but you need to condense your writing about your sleep paralysis and expand on yourself rather than containing the part about yourself to the last paragraph. Admissions officers are looking to see whether you are a good fit for their school, and sleep paralysis is not really a category that they need to fill. However, showing that this experience moved you to begin to be more ambitious/outgoing is something that they will consider.

My advice to you is to focus less on "sleep paralysis" and more on "how it defines you as a person". From your essay, the most I can tell about you as a person is that you have sleep paralysis and that you have become more determined, but I'm sure that you wouldn't describe yourself that way. Again, I think you have a good basis to work on, but you just need to refine it.

Hope this helps!
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Oct 17, 2015   #3
HI, Josh, I'd like to help you with your essay and focus on the much needed enhancement, we will be doing this a few paragraphs at a time so we will be able to thoroughly proof read your essay.

First three paragraphs

- can I liberate yourmy self from the

- enemy night after night quickly becomesbecame exhausting,

- AndA s I hopped from ( avoid using the word "and" at the beginning of your sentence )

Josh, so far, I can see that your essay is written pretty well. You are very descriptive, the failure, the process of sleep paralysis is deliberately written in full detail.

I will get back to you for the last two paragraphs of the essay, right now, I still don't see the relation of the prompt to your essay or of the essay to your prompt but as I said, so far it has been a good read for the better part of your essay.

As promised, I'll get back to you to finish the remarks.
OP joshcruz428 1 / 2  
Oct 17, 2015   #4
Thank you guys so much for the help! I am currently working on another draft that emphasizes more on the aspect of failure rather than my condition itself. I feel it connects the anecdote with the idea of failure much better.
OP joshcruz428 1 / 2  
Oct 19, 2015   #5
@aikoashiya
@justivy03

New Draft

To rid myself of demons, all I have to do is twitch my pinky. Wiggling my fingers enables the rest of my hand to move, allowing me to fixate all my energy into breaking the invisible chains that bind me to my coffin. As I resist the ropes tying me down, I have to ignore the sensation of millions of unseen needles jabbing and numbing my body because revealing any weakness wrenches me down again, inviting the ghouls to return. Only after straining every muscle, stretching every sinew, and expelling every breath, can I liberate myself from the imaginary monster's straitjacket. Only then, can I go back to sleep.

When the curse of sleep paralysis creeps into my bedroom almost every night, it brings nothing but a persistent determination to break my spirits with its hallucinatory weapons - the relentless screaming in my ear, the shadowy figure watching from the corner, the eyeless devil suffocating me. These stimuli mercilessly bombard my senses, leading to an overwhelming sense of terror and helplessness; and worst of all, I am rendered immobile.

There's no better word to describe the chronic perfectionist than 'paralyzed.' I reached this epiphany during one of my more intense episodes of sleep paralysis in which I imagined flames engulfing my house. The crackling wood and falling beams did nothing to drown out my internal screams as I desperately tried to break free of my invisible prison. However, safety didn't induce my panic: the only thought that occupied my mind was the fact that paper was flammable, and the essay sitting on my desk was due tomorrow. When I finally physically freed myself, I realized that I remained a prisoner, mentally paralyzed by the chains of extreme prudence.

From then on, I allowed my mental pinky to go haywire. Twitch. I raised my hand to answer a hard question in class. Twitch. I volunteered to captain the precalculus team despite never taking the class before. Twitch. I auditioned for the All-State Orchestra. Twitch. I signed up for HL Math, arguably the hardest class in our IB curriculum. Twitch. I ordered the self-study AP Physics C book. Though seemingly insignificant, each pinky wiggle, each tiny step out of my comfort zone brought me closer to an awakening ignited by my shortcomings.

The inevitable failures hit hard: I got questions wrong, failed to teach certain concepts, tanked my audition, received a 40% on a test, and I still choke up when asked about Ampere's Law. My former self would have abandoned these passions, viewing these failures as indicators that achieving victory and success was impossible in these fields; instead, I resolved to improve myself, fostering a maturation that challenged my limits. I dug into my textbook, held precalculus practice sessions, practiced the viola every morning before school, discussed Maclaurin series with my teacher during lunch, and held my own experiments to understand physics. I experienced a growth that quickly smothered my former ideal of perfection, expanding farther into the depths of knowledge than I had ever dreamed possible.

As I resist the insecurities tying me down, I have to ignore the sensation of millions of humiliations, shortcomings, and failures jabbing and numbing my mind because revealing any weakness wrenches me down again, inviting the pessimism to return. Only after straining every neuron, stretching every idea, and expelling all negativity, can I liberate myself from my comfort zone. Only then, can I open my eyes, recognize my weaknesses, and take one step closer to understanding the world around me. Though my chronic sleep paralysis shows no signs of abating, removing the restrictions of a perfection-driven comfort zone allows me to fearlessly explore life's boundaries, in my own flawed and imperfect, but ultimately liberated and self-determined way.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Oct 22, 2015   #6
Josh, as I read through your essay, I believe the first 4 paragraphs are already good and we have to focus on the last 2 paragraphs.

5th paragraph

- The inevitable failures hit hard:,
- I got the wrong questions wrong ,
- received a 40% on a test, and I still choke
- fostering a maturationmature stand that challenged my limits.
- I dug into my textbook, held pre - calculus practice sessions,

6th paragraph

- As I resist the insecurities from tying me down,
- in my own flawedflaws and imperfection ,

There you have it, my final remarks for your essay, again this is just my suggestions and what you think is the best for you will be the one that will matter.

What I think will help you more is to practice writing, review the language rules and read a lot to enhance your vocabulary.


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