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'slowing down due to the obstacles' - Experience that affected me- Rice

sg120 5 / 10 2  
Dec 31, 2011   #1
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Do you think it makes sense? Do you think it answers the question? Any harsh comments are welcome.

The moth, with a gleaming hope in its eyes, flapping its fragile wings, flew silently towards its destination, sometimes slowing down due to the obstacles in its flights, but never stopping. Although its frail, bronzed wings were hardly distinguishable from the surrounding, they continued to tussle against the wind, aiding the moth to further in its struggle to reach its destination, its love - light. I am no different than this moth.

On April 6, 2010, the moth, I, stood outside Clements High School, paused involuntarily with trepidation. I glanced through the glass door at the diverse mix of students that was passing by. In the trice when time stood frozen, one question reiterated in my mind. Will I be able to do it? Will I be able to achieve my goal? However, at this thought, instead of being intimidated, I straightened my posture. I reminded myself of my goal for which my family had immigrated to America from Pakistan. This goal was nothing else but a sincere advice that I had once received and to which I had clung on ever since - seek knowledge from cradle to grave. Repeating these words as answers to the uncertainty rising in my head added a pinch of confidence to the mixture of hope, expectation and apprehension boiling up inside my brain. With this enhanced confidence, I entered the school - an American high school - for the first time.

Even though I had passed the ESL proficiency test, I still had a lot to learn. I could understand written English to a limited extent, but was unable to understand what was spoken by my teachers and peers during in-class conversations. English wasn't my only problem. Even math, in which I had achieved a one hundred percent during my three year high school experience in Pakistan, was tough. Even though I excelled in Algebra, I only had limited knowledge about graphs and was even unaware of 'functions', since my school in Pakistan didn't focus on these. I didn't know how to use a graphing calculator because I had never seen one before in addition to the internet as well as the computer. In Pakistan, my only academic aids were my older cousins' books and my parents' brains, since technology was limited, internet was unavailable, and the library was five hours away in another city. Thus, all of these drawbacks added to my shortcomings. As a result, I was failing most of my classes. After seeing my failing grades, I was upset but not discouraged. In fact, I was motivated to work even harder in order to reach up to the potential of the students sitting next to me in class. By the end of the semester, my hard work earned me a low C. Now I was passing but still not satisfied. I was determined to work even harder to reach for light - towards education, to become a doctor.

When my senior year started I had a lot to juggle. I was taking night and weekend classes along with the regular seven period school coursework. I had taken only one Advance Placement class as advised by my counselor. I took World History, one of the hardest classes available at Clements, in order to challenge myself with the diverse knowledge that was offered by this subject. I also took Pre-calculus as opposed to my counselor's advice of taking Math Models. She said I won't be able to survive with my basic knowledge about graphs. But I decided to take the risk just because I wanted to learn, to understand what I didn't initially, and to increase my knowledge.

At first, I was unable to manage the course load and my time. I struggled with my classes but I was determined not to give up. The moth and the advice by my dad inspired me to work even harder. There were nights when I wouldn't sleep because my resolve wouldn't let me close my eyes. I would keep wake and work hard.

By the end of the year, even though I had turned into a zombie with sagging eyes, my transcript had turned into a piece of paper with bright, promising letters. My hard work had bore fruit. I had achieved an A in all of my classes. I had earned the highest in all of my classes, except for Pre-calculus in which I was second, along with an Academic Excellence award. Upon receiving my scores, I was content but not satisfied. Through my struggle, I had not only gained a rank among the top twenty percent of the students but also gained some valuable skills. I had learned time management by becoming skilled at prioritizing my work. I had learned how to juggle a tiresome work load. And most of all, I had finally gained in-depth knowledge about functions and had become quite adept at using a graphing calculator.

Thus, while reflecting on my goal, I find my struggle for education to be synonymous with a moth's exertion for light. A moth is involuntarily attracted towards light from birth. Its feeble, insipid wings are inconspicuous against the brightly colored world. Despite the ignorance expressed towards it, it never gives up. It continues to labor, overcoming the hindrances in its path and learning from each of the experiences. The moth doesn't stop until it reaches its destination and at that point, it dies. So from birth to its death the moth keeps determined to get near the light which fascinates its tiny existence.

My love for knowledge caused me to migrate to America. "Seek knowledge from cradle to grave." These words echo in my mind every minute, reminding me of my goal of gaining knowledge. The time I had spent at Clements raised my confidence and poise to a whole new level. During this time, I found that through hard work, determination and perseverance, I can not only survive but succeed and get closer to my destination. However, I did acknowledge that this seemingly small period of time is just a stepping stone in the larger journey towards the fulfillment of my aspiration. Through Rice, I plan on putting my existing skills to the test, again, and learning many more through a challenging environment, thus, building a concrete foundation in my struggle for medical school.

Thanks in advance!
omo5031 8 / 33  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
I love your essay in general, the comparison of the moth with you is really good. I think that you mentioned that you worked hard a lot. Instead of telling them you should try and how it instead and just mention it on a few occasion. In the first paragraph i think you used too much big vocabularym you do not want to do this- instead use simpler words and use the big ones occasionally. Just my opinion though, you do not have to follow it. Hope I helped and Good luck:)

Can you please check my Johns Hopkins supplement essay. Thanks in advance

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