Students identify Lafayette as an excellent fit for countless reasons. In your response, be deliberate and specific about your motivation for applying to Lafayette.
I have longed for a small, yet exciting, and quiet, yet very family-like environment to live, study and prosper. Seeking for such place, I moved several times, from Korea to United States, from San Diego to Oceanside, and from Oceanside to Fullerton. But, I am still not satisfied; I am not looking for the perfect place, but just a friendly and small community. Even though San Diego, Oceanside, and Fullerton are such great places, those cities are lack of passion and too relaxing.
So, when I heard Lafayette College from my school counselor, the first thing that I looked for was a size of class; I was surprised. More than fifty percents of classes are comprised of only twenty students like my high school classes. It was promising that I could easily make and corporate with friends in class and communicate with my professor. Moreover, New York is only two hours from the college by car; it will not distract me from school life, but allow me to travel at meantime. Satisfying all my dreams, I thought Lafayette college would be perfect place to settle in and pursue my goal.
Kaylie, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay.
- I have longed for a small, yet exciting, and(you are still enumerating so no need to use "and" at this time ) quiet,
- yet very family-like environment to live,
- Even though San Diego, Oceanside, and Fullerton are such great places,
- thosethese cities are lack ofthe passion I'm looking for and too relaxing.
- So,(avoid using "so" in the beginning of your sentence)W hen I heard Lafayette College from my school counselor,
- It wasis promising that I could
- but allow me to travel at the same timemeantime .
- SatisfyingFollowing all my dreams,
- I thought Lafayette college would be the perfect place to settle in and pursue my goal.
Kaylie, your essay is good but I feel that the reason you brought up in choosing Lafayette is not that satisfying to warrant admission.
I suggest re-writing this essay with the remarks above and re - focus on the purpose of choosing Lafayette and not in the history
of your college life.
I hope my insights helped.
I think you should rewrite this essay and really seek to show them how Lafayette is a good choice for YOU. You talk about how you want to pursue your goals at Lafayette, tell us about those goals and how Lafayette can help you to pursue them. Hope this was helpful!
