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'small pieces of myself ' - UCF Application


cmpxo 2 / 1  
Nov 19, 2011   #1
This is the first part of my application essay and I was wondering if it was good or not. So feedback would be very much appreciated.

4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

There are billions of people in the world and not one of them is the same. Each one of us are different and unique in our own way, varying from the past times we enjoy to the languages we speak. We all have something about us that is reflected upon the people and things around us. I feel as though there's a combination of things I can bring to UCF that no other individual can.

One of these things would be passion for the many different aspects of life and my overflowing individuality. Whether it be my dynamic love of music, favorites of mine ranging from the newest voices of Bruno Mars, Lady Gaga and Demi Lovato dating back to classics such as Journey, Aerosmith, and even Dean Martin. Or my never quenched interest in time periods throughout history including but not limited to the 1930's, the civil war era and even Trojan war times in places like Greece and the rumored country of Troy that is said to have once been located in modern day Turkey. And what kind of Italian American would I be had I not mentioned my appreciation of good food, starting from homemade Italian to Mexican tacos and burritos to classic American meals like barbequed hamburgers and macaroni and cheese. There's even my love of writing. It could be completely random short or long novel length stories but I can always fill a paper as long as I have a pencil in my hand, a fresh sheet of paper and a great idea brewing and begging to be written.

Something else that would allow me to contribute to the UCF community would be my determination and craving to learn new things and to be challenged. Whether these new things be academic subjects or just life skills I can utilize on a daily basis. I also tend to see things more realistically and more maturely then that of someone my age which helps me see the world and the people around me for what they are. But most important is my unwavering desire to do the right thing. My integrity and willingness to stand up for what I believe in. Whether it be respectfully sticking by my opinion and refusing to back down or be bullied/pressured to change who I am or being the one to get what I want in life by earning it fair and square, by working hard and doing the right thing.

In the end, all these things are but small pieces of myself that make up a person who could and would contribute an outstanding amount and combination of cultural diversity and originality to your school's community, creating a more diverse and unique atmosphere among the thousands of students attending the University of Central Florida.
12SMiller 1 / 5  
Nov 19, 2011   #2
This is a nice idea for an essay, though there are some mistakes you can correct

Past times = Pass times

We all have something about us that is reflected upon the people and things around us. - I'm not really sure what you mean here

I wouldn't call Bruno Mars, Lady Gaga and Demi Lovato the "newest voices" maybe say modern?

that is said to have once been located in modern day Turkey. - Seems a little unnecessary, the reader isn't looking for a history lesson

and to be challenged. - don't need the "to"

Whether these new things be academic subjects or just life skills I can utilize on a daily basis. - Whether starts an intro. clause, so there if you want to use it you need a comma after basis and the sentence needs to continue

then that of someone my age - should be than, and "people of my age" or something similar

Whether it be respectfully sticking by my opinion and refusing to back down or be bullied/pressured to change who I am or being the one to get what I want in life by earning it fair and square, by working hard and doing the right thing. - this didn't really make sense

amount and combination - pick one

Overall, nice job and good luck!


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