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"a Smart blonde and a UFO" - Intellectual Diversity Essay for UM


kellymcolburn 1 / -  
Jan 3, 2010   #1
I am so terrible at writing these things and I am at a loss. My writing is mostly whimsical and humorous. Please help..I need Essay writing 101.

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

What do a Smart blonde and a UFO have in common? You always hear about them but never actually see them. This is just one of many blonde jokes I hear daily that demonstrates the intellectual stereotyping that blondes, like me, encounter frequently.

When I first set foot in the Physics building of Auburn University, I instantly saw right through the belittling glares and the judgmental expressions of the supreme intellectuals that inhabited the Physics Department. I was not surprised being that I am short, long, blonde-haired girl who was geared with a wardrobe that matched the latest Vogue fashion catalog. I don't believe I fit the mold of a Physics enthusiast.

I met with my advisor in the department and, after much insistence from him to switch majors and a demeaning debate over my ability to excel with the difficult curriculum, I officially declared Physics as my major.

I have to admit there are no other blonde females in my department other than I, but I hope that in the future, if one does apply to my department, that advisor will remember my hard work, enthusiasm, motivation, and more importantly my all A's in my Physics major and maybe give the next seemingly aloof girl the benefit of the doubt.

I hope at the University of Michigan I can be an example to those that would dismiss me as a intellectual equal due to my being a small, blonde female. I hope to break those stereotypes that would trap me in the lower hierarchy of intelligence and set me on an equal playing field based on my academic contributions rather than mere appearances.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Jan 4, 2010   #2
This is just one of many blonde jokes that I hear daily that demonstrates the intellectual stereotyping that. blondes, like me, encounter frequentlyfrequently encounter such stereotypes on our intellectuality .

I was not surprised being that I am short, long, blonde-haired girl who was geared with a wardrobe that matched the latest Vogue fashion catalog. I don't believe I fit the mold of a Physics enthusiast.

^i dont quite understand this. Are you interests different from those of a Physics enthusiast? Or do you not match the stereotype of a Physics interest?

I met with my advisor in the department and, after much insistence from him to switch majors and a demeaning debate over my ability to excel with the difficult curriculum, I officially declared Physics as my major.

^Just to clarify...did your advisor insist for you to switch majors, or did you insist to him that you wanted to switch?

I have to admit there are no other blonde females in my department other than I, but I hope that in the future, if one does apply to my department, that advisor will remember my hard work, enthusiasm, motivation, and more importantly my allall of my A's in my Physics major and maybe give the next seemingly aloof girl the benefit of the doubt.

I hope at the University of Michigan I can be an example to those that would dismiss me as a intellectual equal due to my being a small, blonde female. I hope to break those stereotypes that would trap me in the lower hierarchy of intelligence and set me on an equal playing field based on my academic contributions rather than mere appearances.

^Yea, your last sentence is pretty good. The first one can do with some revision though.

i dunno, i liked your essay because of i thought your opening was good, and so was your closing, whilst your essay was brief.
However, what exactly did the essay prompt ask for in terms of intellectual diversity? From there, it would be easier to determine the extent to which you are addressing the promt.

Anyways, best of luck
x
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 13, 2010   #3
I was not surprised, because I am short, have long, blonde hair, I am a girl, and I was geared with a wardrobe that matched the latest Vogue fashion catalog.-------being short is not relevant to the sentence.

Oh, I see that you "small" near the end, referring again to your height. I think this emphasis of height is out of place.

You know, this could be a lot better if you only mention the stereotype you face briefly, and spend time on another concept that is related to it. Add one more concept pertaining to intellectual diversity, and this will have more substance to it.

It is good to comment thoughtfully on stereotypes you face, but you can intensify the essay by including more concepts, related ones.

Remember that one paragraph = one idea.
One essay = one big idea composed of several smaller ideas (paragraphs)


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