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phuongthao187 1 / -  
Oct 26, 2019   #1
In my opinion, the smartphone is one of the most revolutionary creations of this century. Actually, it is no exaggeration to say that human life has completely changed since the smartphone was devised for some of the reasons. The first reason is how it changed the way we consume information and communicate. The way we consume information has changed from talking to each other to reading newspapers to watching TV, to gathering information on the web using a computer and now a smartphone. Same is true for communication. Our smartphone offers us several forms os communication: calls, text messaging, email, blogs, etc. That is extremely convenient as we can get any information whenever we want and wherever we are. The second one is how smartphone changed the way we behave. The first thing we do in the early morning is reaching for our smartphone to turn off the alarm clock. As the day goes by, we use our smartphone in the way to work, during meal times, at work, on the way home, even in the bathroom and in bed. Sometimes it really makes us more productive and efficient, sometimes it's such a hindrance to our work and communication. The third one is how it changed the way we use technology. Our society tends to ise devices that make our lives easier and more convenient. Taking this fact into account the mobile industry developed one device that made several others obsolete. Sales dropped for landline phones, desktop computers, digital cameras, mp3 players, gps devices,etc. Not too long ago there was a time when you needed to carry all those devices with you. In conclusion, in the advancing age of information technology, the mobile phones have become the essential part of life and its popularity cannot be denied; now the cell phones are not luxury but the necessity.

ayunovianti 5 / 8 3  
Oct 26, 2019   #2
Hi Phuong,

Is this essay intended for IELTS Writing?
If yes, in my opinion you need to practice writing with a more clearly defined structure
My recommendation for the essay structure is:

Paragraph 1: Open with an Introduction, paraphrase the prompt question, and mention what the essay will do
Paragraph 2 and 3: Start with your main idea, give your explanation or supportiong reason, give an example to that reason, and if necessary restate the main idea or slowly transition to the next paragraph

Paragraph 4: Finish by paraphrasing the prompt question followed by a summary of your main ideas to conclude your essay

Hope it helps. Good luck
Tobechukwu 3 / 8  
Oct 26, 2019   #3
Good day,
Your writeup is interesting. But can be expanded for better content.
1An essay is better when it weighs the cons and pros of the subject matter. I.e you can include the good and bad of each feature the smartphone has introduced into human lives. E.g the communication barriers between people in a room because everyone is more interested in what is happening around the world than what is happening beside them.

You can also discuss how its convenience for instance in banking transactions is open to cyber crime, before no one had to be bothered about their funds being stolen online but now you have the internet and cyber crime is a threat as real as any disease.

2 A little bit of dates/figures will be better too.
A categorise the mode of communication into timelines starting from the pre smartphone era and the smartphone era. Then give your own prediction on what you think the future of smartphone revolution will be

B How many people are dependent on smartphone?
I hope the above will be useful to you.