please be harsh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!thanks!!!!!!!!And since I am not a native speaker, great warriors, please kill my grammar mistakes as well~!!!!! : ]
Prompt:Applying to college can be serious business; yet we're eager to get to know you in a less formal way. Have fun answering the following question: If you had a theme song - a piece of music that describes you best - what would it be and why? Please include the name of the song and the artist. (Limit response to 150 words)
Every morning when jumping out of my quilt castle, I feel like coming out from mom's womb again. Both the universe and I are young, and everything is new. I can't help starting my day with a surprised scream:
"What's this? Is it a mushroom?"
"No. It's dad holding an umbrella."
"What's this? Is it alchemy?"
"No. It's magnesium burning in oxygen."
"What's this? Is it a violation of marriage law?"
"No. It's a special marriage custom of Mosuo people, and you should learn to appreciate their culture!" answered my 17-year-old self.
I enjoy being confused, amazed, or dumbfound, which means chances to learn and experience something new. I keep asking "what's this", then "why" and "what if", yearning to explore the unknown like there's no tomorrow, for the more I know, the more I don't know. That's why Danny Elfman's "What's this" vividly portraits my life! And every time I look at this interesting world with curious infant' eyes and ask, I always find world a fine place and worth fighting for.
I really like this essay. I have a few suggestions for word changes.
I enjoy being confused, amazed, or dumbfounded , which meansgives me more chances to learn and experience something new. I keep asking "what's this", then "why" and "what if."I yearn to explore the unknown like there's no tomorrow, for the more I know, the more I don't know. That's why Danny Elfman's "What's this" vividly portrays my life! AndE very time I look at this interesting world with curious infant' eyes,and ask, I always find the world to be a fine place andthat is worth fighting for.
confused/dumbfounded are synonyms- maybe you should choose a different word in order to be more descriptive
consider replacing your final words "fighting for" with "exploring"
i really love your essay. everything about it is great. the only mistake i found is that you use the word portraits instead of portrays.
help me with mine?
I almost wrote the same song as yours...-.- I like your essay!:)
