Smith creates an environment where I can proudly do what I love!

Why Smith ? ( limit to 100 words)
Smith College makes me proud, of itself ,and of women. They have independently built a school , creating a perfect environment for girls to find not only their integrity but also happiness. When I saw a picture of Smithies lying on the grass enjoying one sunny day , this pride transformed into my love for Smith. Because in the picture , I could see the sisterhood was in the air, and extraordinarily I felt myself belonged .I desire to be called "a Smithie- a women of Smith generation" , an identity I would carry to the rest of my life.

Ps: I don't know if I am being too general ? Should I write about something more specific ? truthfully speaking, it's the spirit rahter than the importance of academic that has made me love Smith . I would appreciate all the help

... why does it make you proud? that is not justified here :(
When I saw a picture of Smithies lying on the grass enjoying onea sunny day , this pride transformed into my love for Smith.


I think this writing has made very little effort to bring up Smith's outstanding features. The statements you've made are lack of logical justifications. This is my view about this and hope others too give their comments for you to take appropriate actions on improving your writing.

I have edited it again , can you give me some idea on this one ?
Why Smith essay (limit to 100 words )
I am tired of trying to do everything a man can do so I can be treated equally ,and Smith creates an environment where I can proudly do what I love as a woman being her very own self. I am tired of people telling me how my eloquence is not that of a lawyer ,and Smith enables me to do what I believe. I am tired of being alone, and Smith brings me the sisters from all over the world ,who will carry with me the same identity to the rest of my life -Smithie- a woman of Smith Generation.

.... Okkkkk....now I get your point :)
I am tired of convincing others that I am on par with any man in terms of my skills and capabilities.


This is why I love Smith's environment where I do not face gender discrimination allowing me to be my own self.
Yep... your revised version makes lots of sense. I think now you are on right track :)