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Smithie at heart;song- "When You Believe" :Smith Common App/ Why Smith?/ Song & You


michelle95 1 / 1  
Dec 21, 2012   #1
Smith College application supplement answers, any comments would be appreciated! I am an internatilonal applicant from China, thank you all.

1. How did you hear of Smith, and why apply to smith? within 100 words.

"Smith is just too full of liberals!" An otherwise happy sophomore complained to me.
However, I was determined to come for the same reason. Maybe only at Smith can I meet open-minded women who care about gender equality as much as I do, only at Smith can I find echoes responding to my obsession for the rights of teenage mothers, and only at Smith can I meet teachers, friends and alumnae with whom I can make a difference.

One thing I am certain, though; I will always be a Smithie at heart.

2 Prompt: If you had a theme song, a song of music that describes you best, what would it be, and why? Please include the name of the song and the artist, limit response to 150 words.

"There can be miracles when you believe..." Every time I hear the song, "When You Believe" by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey, I just can't help but sing together, as its inspirational message reflects what I have learned since I was little.

Life isn't without rough patches, but I always had faith that I can get through: I dealt with fears at the age of eight when my father worked in Afghanistan as a news reporter and my mother on the frontline of fighting SARS epidemic; at ten, I struggled to fit in after leaving behind my hometown and flying to California alone; in high school, I overcame insecurity to stage plays, raising awareness on sensitive topics including gender equality and teenage pregnancy.

I am not afraid of confronting challenges and I believe in my potential of creating miracles.###

weeyizhi - / 38 8  
Dec 21, 2012   #2
Hi. I'll give you some suggestions. However, bear in mind that you don't have to follow my view.
"Maybe only at Smith can I "
Try to sound confident. Don't use maybe. Try "Only at Smith can I..." instead.
"and only at Smith can I meet teachers, friends and alumnae with whom I can make a difference."
What kind of difference? I think this sentence is ambiguous.
"I overcame my insecurity to.."

Your first essay coneys why you want to enter the school. However, I think you can come up with a stronger conclusion. I don't quite understand why you'll always be a Smithie at heart.

The second essay is better than the first one. You successfully show us how the song connects to you. Nice work! =D
Good luck with your application!!
OP michelle95 1 / 1  
Dec 21, 2012   #3
thank you very much for the suggestions weeyizhi, I will try to make it better bearing in mind of your advice.


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