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Snow: Why is it my Favorite Word?


turntables 1 / -  
Oct 15, 2010   #1
I will appreciate any help or constructive criticism from you guys!

Snow - Favorite Word



When winter starts I'll be the first to look outside my chilly window for the freshly fallen snow and feel relieved. I'll jump outside with the clothes I'll have on and fall into that fluffy patch of new snow I call my own personal bed, my soft, warm bed. I'll tuck myself in nicely and sleep, like a bear, under my snow-woven blanket until I awake from the natural rings of the spring alarm-clock.

From the day I was born, snow has always been my favorite word because it is a word that conveys innocence, purity, and also a new beginning. When I look at snow, it allows me to find peace in myself and opens up a channel of warmth and forgiveness. In fact, I realize when snow begins to sprinkle upon Sterling, the city that I live in, the whole world seems to be at peace. Why? Is it just a coincidence? No, it is a time when workers, parents, and children reunite with their families and makes them realize the important value of human connection, companionship, and love, true love.

Often times I wonder if I could just lie down on the loose snow, brush my hands and legs on it, and make snow angels all day long. Or construct a snowman with two buttons for his eyes, one carrot for his nose, and two straight, horizontal sticks for his arms. Maybe, just maybe, I can. Nevertheless, I am glad.

"Snow", someone would say. And I would look out the chilly window and reply, "Yes, finally, snow, snow at last."
KathyLala 20 / 116  
Oct 15, 2010   #2
Here are some of my ideas
"I'll jump outside with the clothes I'll have on"<= of course, you will jump with your clothes on in snow, the readers assume it. You need to clarify what kind of clothes if you want to keep this sentence; for example, light clothes, soft clothes, windy, snowy clothes...

Are you sure since the day you was born you already like "snow" word? or you like "snow" word since the day you know words?

"begins to sprinkle upon Sterling, the city that I live in"<=begins to spinkle upon Sterling city, where I am living,...

"Why? Is it just a coincidence? No"<= I would delete this sentence from your essay, I like this better
"...to be at peace. It is a time when workers..."
crabball 5 / 22  
Oct 15, 2010   #3
I think you should use present tense instead of " I'll " in the first paragraph. "I'll "shows something that does not happen so far and you do not really do it. (I don't know why, but that's how I feel)

"From the day I was born, snow has always been my favorite word because it is a word that conveys innocence, purity, and also a new beginning. "

What about "From the first time I saw snowflakes, the word "snow" has always been my favorite because it conveys innocence, purity, and also a new beginning. "?

it is a time when workers, parents, and children reunite with their families family members reunites and makes them realize the important value of human connection, companionship, and love, true love.


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