Through soccer I comprehended the significance of 'team-work'

Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150 word limit)

Soccer and it's meaning for my development

Maintaining brilliant academics and community liveliness, simultaneously, demanded a true commitment; however, sometimes between the rush of my humanitarian and scholastic responsibilities, I teamed up with my District's and High-School's Soccer players in several competitive tournaments: HISSAN Cup 2072-73 B.S., Ganeshman Singh Cup, etc. Through soccer I comprehended the significance of 'team-work' for the triumph- be it in an academic pursuit (group science-projects) or an extracurricular longing (athletic team-events). Apart from providing a beneficent physical and mental workout, Soccer made me a guru in strategical planning and tactical thinking since I served as my team's Central Defender to create an indestructible formation of defenders and mid-fielders during crucial finales. I realized the benefits of fitness in a student's life as I could concentrate and succeed in my academic endeavors better than before. Thus, I can confidently comment that Soccer contributed a lot to make me a diligent and versatile student.

@nandasharma
The grammar seems pretty good; you put in semi colons and em dashes, my lit teacher would be proud. As for the actual piece I feel like the wording interrupts the flow a lot. For example spots like " I can confidently comment" and "Through soccer I comprehended the significance of 'team-work' for the triumph" while grammatically correct I think you should reconsider your word choice.