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'Soccer fascinates me' - Common app short essay


mananj 2 / 8  
Oct 3, 2009   #1
Of all sport, soccer fascinates me, both for its edge-of-the-seat excitement in terms of speed, strength, strategy and stamina and because of the immaculate teamwork it demands. In many ways, a game of football is like life: before a game, the coach hones a team's physical expertise, while also convincing us that games are really won off the field ï in our minds. If we believe victory is ours, nothing can beat us, in football or life. To me the best part about football is the innate trust necessary for teams to work: like falling backwards with the eyes closed, knowing that your friends will break your fall. During a game, when the ball is hurtling down the field at 50 kmph, there is little time to think before reacting, and the well-practiced team is the one that can effortlessly make the right winning moves - pretty much how life works too. As Einstein himself said "Success is 1% inspiration, but 99% perspiration".

Criticism is most welcome!!
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Oct 3, 2009   #2
As Einstein himself said "Success is 1% inspiration, but 99% perspiration".

Actually, I believe it was Thomas Edison who said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Always make sure that you are correct when quoting.

But you ought not use that quote, unless you are interpreting "common application" to mean "say the most commonly-said thing you can think of."
OP mananj 2 / 8  
Oct 3, 2009   #3
thanks alot!!...but how is the essay over all???
pcvrz34g 22 / 117  
Oct 4, 2009   #4
Of all sport, soccer fascinates me, both for its edge-of-the-seat excitement in terms of speed, strength, strategy and stamina and because of the immaculate teamwork it demands.

1. "Of all sports .."
2. since you used "for" after both, you should also use "for" for your second reason, not "because of". It will create more parallelism.
OP mananj 2 / 8  
Oct 6, 2009   #5
anyone??
jennyz 6 / 18  
Oct 6, 2009   #6
i liked the einstein quote
the first sentence's structure is odd, i think you should replace the because with something else. make it flow.

say, is this the "elaborate on one of your activities" essay?
'cause i wrote mine in a totally different style
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 6, 2009   #7
The quote is ok, but it was Thomas Edison.

Overall, I think it's ok, not great. I would like to have seen some development of some of your statements. They are of the general 'pep talk' kind of statements that sound good but don't really say anything. For example:

If we believe victory is ours, nothing can beat us, in football or life.

Is this really true?

Just something for you to think about.
rbtla 1 / 2  
Oct 6, 2009   #8
its alright. dont know what the question is to say that you answered it perfectly, but oh well.i think you should spend more time on saying what you really get out of the sport rather than just saying how soccer is like life
OP mananj 2 / 8  
Oct 11, 2009   #9
Jennyy..could u put a link to ure essay here...so that I can read that !!

Nd thanks a lot all of u!!!
OP mananj 2 / 8  
Oct 11, 2009   #10
Of all sports, soccer fascinates me, both for its edge-of-the-seat excitement in terms of speed, strength, strategy and stamina and for the immaculate teamwork it demands. In many ways, a game of football is synonymous with life: before the game, the coach hones a player's physical expertise, convincing us that games are really won off the field - in our minds. If we truly believe victory is ours, nothing can stop us from realizing our personal and professional dreams, be it in life or in football. To me the best part about football is the innate trust necessary for team building: it is like falling backwards with your eyes closed, knowing that your teammates will break your fall. During a high octane, adrenaline charged game, when the ball is hurtling down the field at 50 kmph, there is little time to think before reacting, and the well-practiced sportsman is someone who can effortlessly make the right winning moves - I believe the key mantra is perseverance, hard work and tenacity in the face of adversities. As Edison himself said "Success is 1% inspiration, but 99% perspiration".
zealzou 11 / 54  
Oct 13, 2009   #12
I am afraid that qouting in essay, especially such a cliche...might have been used by 1000 students...


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