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"Soccer is my favorite sport" - extracurricular activity, common app


doyin1 8 / 18  
Oct 27, 2010   #1
pls help proofread my essay

the topic is: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

I love to play soccer; it is one of my favorite sports. It refreshes me, when I play I feel free and happy. Soccer is a sport I can play all day without getting bored. Every time I step on the field it feels like home to me and I feel like can do whatever I want to do and be free. Being the sports prefect helps even more because I can relate to my job more and it's like breathing in freash air and forgetting about all my problems and concentrating on my responsibility. I feel as if I am not constricted to one place. On the pitch am a totally different person, I am a more friendly person and life is less unbearable and easier because the only thing on my mind right then is to have fun and live my life the way I want to.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 2, 2010   #2
Here is a little correction:
It refreshes me; when I play I feel free and happy.
(A semi-colon functions much like a period.)

So... Boxin is right. You repeat the same idea many times. However, you do have a very important concept: a sense of freedom on the field. Maybe you should take out some of the redundant sentences and replace them with a story to help the reader share your sense of freedom on the field.


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