As captain of my soccer team, I shout "Play hard, play smart, have fun". I then lead the team onto the field, and I get the usual stares.
Move this sentence to the end of the essay and read it; see how you like it that way.
fight with girlfriend. --- missing a word here.
If you move that sentence, I think it will be great! The ideas you express are cool. If soccer is your teacher, though, you must be able to think of a sentence about how it gives you insight about your intended field/career.