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'social activist and servant'; What I would take from and contribute to Penn

mdubs777 4 / 8  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.)

Ever since I was first instructed to open a Biology textbook, I have been spellbound by the complexity of how organisms function-- how minuscule molecules called enzymes converted the random junk food I ate every weekend into useful stores of energy or how the microscopic substructures of DNA fitted together perfectly to form the unique genetic masterpiece that is a human being. Through a first-class education in Biochemistry at the University of Pennsylvania's School of Arts and Sciences, I hope to gain a greater understanding of the elaborate way in which living beings operate. It is also an exciting prospect to have the chance to conduct scientific research at one of the approximately two hundred independent biochemically-oriented research laboratories on the University of Pennsylvania campus.

Aside from my main academic goals, I am positive that I will be able to thrive on the UPenn campus; I will be exposed to a multitude of avenues in which to solidify my identity. I can see myself becoming a contributor to the satirical 'Pennsylvania Punchbowl'--in an effort to exercise my wit and practice my love of comedic entertainment-- or going full throttle and joining 'Simply Chaos' or another of UPenn's admirable comedy clubs. I see a chance for integration and networking with peers from my region through the Caribbean-American Student Association which, through being a member, would simultaneously allow me the opportunity to keep in touch with my Caribbean roots while studying in a foreign country. Also, I would be allowed to learn new forms of sport that I never would have experienced on my tiny Caribbean island-- such as American Football or Extreme Frisbee-- through taking part in UPenn's Recreational Sporting Divisions. Essentially, UPenn's large roster of student groups would open the doors to self discovery, ensuring I leave as an individual with an identity shaped by various aspects of university life.

However, I understand that university is not a one way street. I plan to contribute back to the Penn community through a number of student service groups. For instance, I seek to exercise my desire of helping others by joining the cause of Penn's community service organizations such as the Habitat for Humanity or the Alternate Spring Break. Also, as an avid environmental advocate, the Penn Environmental Group would supply the ideal opportunity for me to assist the movement to raise awareness of global environmental issues among the campus population.

In conclusion, I expect to make the most out of my four years at the University of Pennsylvania-- through carrying out key research with my peers at the School of Arts and Sciences, developing my identity by dabbling in the multitude of UPenn's various clubs and organizations and becoming a social activist and servant by contributing back to the Penn community. With this in mind, I plan to leave Penn as an effective product of its first rate academics, numerous co-curricular opportunities and excellent civic action divisions.
rvonitter 3 / 5  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
I loved your essay! As a lover of biology myself, I was very happy reading it. However, sometimes it gets bit wordy in the beginning...but other than that, kudos on a good essay.
pjw7109 7 / 23  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
i really like it.
It looks like you've done some major researches about Penn.
love how you emphasize your Carribean roots!

good luck!
Mauru23 3 / 16  
Dec 31, 2011   #4
Like the above post said, you've done a great job on showing just how much you know about Penn and what you can contribute. Really great essay. Good luck!

Mind checking mine out again? I've done a revision and got some questions I would like answered.
kathyxtrieu /  
Dec 31, 2011   #5
Wow I love it.
"In conclusion" can be removed.
"In conclusion" can alwayss be removed.
Strawberry78 4 / 52  
Dec 31, 2011   #6
Take out "in conclusion." Overall, I'm amazed at your essay.
TheLeader 2 / 36  
Dec 31, 2011   #7
Okay I have to be honest with you. After I read your first paragraph, I couldn't find anything to change so I just wrote some positive feedback. After reading your whole essay, I STILL don't know what you can do to make this better. I'm usually quite a harsh person when it comes to critiquing, but I really can't. Every little thing you wrote contributed largely in your interest in UPenn. The AO will definitely recognize this and will reward you with you deserve. Excellent job, and best of luck with your application. This is by far one of, if not, the most well written essay I have seen on the site. Best of luck! PS I hope you can look over my essay(s) one more time :)
OP mdubs777 4 / 8  
Dec 31, 2011   #8
I will take out 'In conclusion'

Anyone else?
omo5031 8 / 33  
Dec 31, 2011   #9
Your essay is really good, I like how you talked about your love for biology. It also answers the prompt completely, take out the in conclusion makes it sound like a school essay rather than a personal thing.

You did a marvelous job
Good luck :)

Can you please help with my Johns Hopkins supplement

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