Hey, so I was hoping someone could review this and give advice? Perhaps on language, or whether it answer the prompt fully? Is the style alright, should I remove or change the 'fast forward' and 'rewinds'?
Thanks in advance!
In his 2010 address to representatives of Jesuit universities worldwide, Fr. Adolfo Nicolas, SJ, Superior General of the Jesuits, discussed imagination. He believes that exercising an imagination which grasps reality and involves "a refusal to let go until we get beneath the surface" is a crucial element of Jesuit education. In the same speech, he worried that today's instant and global communication technologies discourage such deep reflection and engagement with the real and instead foster a "globalization of superficiality."
Prompt 1 question:
To Fr. Nicolas, imagination requires going to the depths of reality and recreating (re-imagining) it. Do social media and instant communication pose obstacles to such reflection and serious thinking? How can college students practice serious reflection in our always connected and instantaneous world?
Word limit: 500 - 1000
I'm sitting in the back of the class, trying to make myself small, my face hidden within a dark hood, and my voice kept at a whisper. I know the answer to the question, I can make the shot, I can help you with your technique, I just can't stand up and talk.
Fast forward a couple years.
Inhaling my first breath of a new unexplored environment. As I take in my surroundings, I spot a group of individuals hurled around each other. I cautiously approach them, preparing a long held joke that has been kept within myself since my childhood. As I enter the circle, I notice that I now own the courage to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends. Being able to speak up and express myself. The weight on my back has increased since elementary and middle school, high school requiring the extra weight to be carried around, the use of technology to learn. I know that it is from that physical weight, that the figurative weight and pressure has lightened. The newfound courage coming from technology and the use of social media. Giving the means to communicate and express emotions, feelings, thoughts, and to be myself without the fear of humility.
Fast forward a couple more years.
My arms struggle, straining under the weight, unable to pull myself up and lift that extra 20 kilograms. My mind races for motivation, stumbling upon the revelation of what I have accomplished and managed since freshman year. As I finish the set of exercises my mind continues to remind itself of the work and effort that was needed to take control of my life, to finally decide for myself. I note that traits that I have already owned, such as; strength, determination, perseverance, commitment, and leadership, has increased due to my increasing courage and confidence. Having been consistently assisted with social media since freshman year. With it I have made friends with people across the world, kept in touch with my family back at home in the Philippines, kept a long lasting relationship going for years. Things that I could not have accomplished without their support could not have been accomplished without social media.
Fast forward one more year.
The top of the food chain, the alpha male in the pack. New confidence has grown as I have grown, age and respect of being a senior being a major factor. However, as I continue instructing students and lead them in their first climb, I note that this club that I am in charge of, the first climbing club of our high school that I supervise and established, could not have been accomplished without the help of social media. I have also been approached in creating videos for the school, tackling the fear of having my work judged by using my increased courage and strength from social media. This social media was also a tool that I was able to use to begin reviewing films, communicating and discussing opinions of films and the diverse reactions and affects that one may bring. What was once a stepping stone giving confidence, has become a tool for me to use.
Rewind and fast forward to after I use social media.
I have commented my opinions on a post, expressed my emotions on reviews, talked to friends with a such large time difference that they sleep when I wake and vice versa. I have used social media to reflect on myself and others, as well as the issues and solutions of society around and away from myself. Yet afterwards I need to get away from it all, the technology and instantaneous world can sometimes be seen as noise. To relax and reflect seriously I tend to do a handful of things. I work out, exercising and improving myself, releasing stress and tension like releasing a wound up spring. I go to church, getting in touch with my spiritual and religious side. I hike and camp, getting in touch with nature, away from technology and other human beings. I dance, expressing myself through movement, my emotions flowing through me in waves. I climb, defying nature and reflecting above the noise, reflecting on my actions and life. All these activities help me down out the noise, and it will continue helping me throughout university. While some of these actives can help me, other activities are needed to help others. What these activities need to have, are qualities that allow them to drown out the noise in their own way. In order to seriously reflect, they should have a means to remove themselves from technology and a way to improve themselves; mentally, spiritually, and physically.
I think this essay has some very good ideas, but in some parts it drags on. I would try to make it more concise and for example, do not repeat words one after the other: ... courage, courage that came from social media. For example, when you talk about Junior Year in high school, start off with something more strong than you began working on yourself. Yes, it took a lot of courage for you to begin doing this at that age, but I think you can make that paragraph even more powerful.
Also, I feel as though the ideas in your sentences start off strong, but then you repeat yourself, almost like a resonating note. Just keep it shorter and to the point! Best of luck!
Hopefully this answers the prompt, as the deadline is in 2 days.
Any help on grammar, sentence structure, creativity, is much appreciated. Any changes, opinions, or ideas, just let me know.