im struggling if my prompt1 can impress the UC readers
since i dont have a lot experience about my major..do you think this could also impress the reader?
is the introduction make u want to keep reading?
please give some advice, thank you
implanning on transfering to UCLA, does this prompt work!?
''What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.''
Sociology is not science, is not only common sense, it is an advanced perspective of the world. Although we learn at an early age to keep parts of ourselves private from others, the need for community building - living and working with those around us - necessitates our reaching out and forming bonds with other people. This behavioral process of joining with others fascinates me, and I am very curious about how we form together into societies. To this end, I want to pursue my studies in Sociology.
Ever since I took my first introduction to sociology course, I have been enchanted by the perspective that sociology offers. I have thoroughly enjoyed both evaluating other groups and questioning my own speculation. In order to enhance further experience, I joined Red Cross Club at De Anza College, which gave me an opportunity to serve the community such as Milpitas Food Pantry, Sunnyvale Parent School, Soup Kitchen, American Cancer Society: Breast Cancer Walk and more. Meanwhile, I met a lot of people with different culture and background. I applied what I have learned and realized this world is not as simple as I thought it could be. From giving out food to the homeless to interact with women who have breast cancer, I noticed how big of the different the society we both live in. Due to the interaction with the community members, I was able to experience their feelings and the perspective of this world. The sociological perspective opened me a window into unfamiliar societies and offers a fresh look upon my world.
Furthermore, I have developed another point view about how people influence each other from a speech project, which is to carry out tests on people by breaking norms. I had so much ideas that I couldn't wait to start e.g. I would suddenly squeeze myself into the center of a group of people, stand really close to others whenever I was talking with them, re-ask the same questions and etc. I had experienced a variety of reactions, most of them were awkwardness, laughed and being annoying. I learned breaking a norm can ruin others' perspective on you. It also assists me to appreciate people's manners, attitude and identity. It will help me to be aware of my selves better and the inspiration of others people around us. Studying sociology will give me an aptitude to expand thoughts using my own proposal.
I believe by entering university will open up myriad professional opportunities in tandem with my career prospects. My focus and determination on personal growth and development has overtime ensured my success in different academic and professional fields. My goal is to combine the field of I am a reliable student who is passionate and full of curiosity about her work, by the end of winter quarter in 2010; I will be qualifying Social and Behavioral Sciences Emphasis AA degree at De Anza College.
"Sociology is not science, is not only common sense , it is an advanced perspective of the world."
awkward structure~ Sociology is not a science or common sense but an advanced perspective of the world.
2nd sentence is a run-on. Try to keep it more fluid and easier to read. Remember admissions counselors have to go through a lot of essays, so the more flowy the structure the better.
Maybe discuss what about the sociology class made you love it so much. Was there a specific experience that influenced you?
Your experience is very impressive, but maybe bring your personality into the essay a bit more. What is it about you (character-wise) that makes sociology right for you? How does your personality show that you were a good fit for all volunteer work you have done?
The college may seem to be asking about your involvement, but they don't just want a list of your achievements either. Reading about all the great things you do makes you sound like a great person, but the reader still doesn't get to know the person behind the accomplishments. I think the admissions officer might feel the same way. Just a thought.
Overall, a very well-structured essay.
Hopes this helps! If you get the chance, please take a look at my essay. I need as much help as I can get. ^_^
suggestion:
"Furthermore, I have developed another point view about how people influence each other from a speech project, which is to carry out tests on people by breaking norms. "
- "another point view" -> a new perspective
- add "social" before "norms"
- maybe add a sentence of description for you speech project
