"Soliloquy of the Stereotype" - Common App Main Essay

I cannot fathom the exact number of times I've been asked the question "Do you speak Indian?" or received the surprised "You don't have an accent at all!" It is a bit irritating explaining to my new acquaintance that "No, there is no such language as Indian" or "I was actually born in California" constantly. This particular brand of ignorance is not something I resent, since being Indian in America is something you grow accustomed to, along with that undeniable social stereotype. As far as typecasts go, being labeled the "smart math and science" people is not bad by any standards, yet being packaged away into a neat box is not in the least appealing.

I guess from an objective stance I am a typical Indian "stereotype", smart overachiever with pre-med stamped all over my brown, ethnic face. I've been dismissed as a "brain" for most of my academic life, approached for homework answers and used as a human assignment planner. I tend to thrive among my own kind, with those apt at understanding my unique brand of high brow humor and frantic obsession over schoolwork. It boggles people how some students actually enjoy school, not for its gossipy social perks, but for the allure of learning something new and practical. Very few look beyond the veneer of high school hierarchy, unheeding of the people under the "jock" label or "band geek" tag. This Lilliputian thinking is especially frustrating for someone who has visited three continents and has repeatedly observed that such narrow-mindedness is not very feasible in today's diverse society. The banal labels unfortunately extend worldwide and cannot be reversed without complete social chaos.

However, as a DoDDS (Department of Defense Dependents School) kid, I encountered a new universe containing a mere ghost of this reign of pigeonhole. Moving every two years makes the depreciating labels impractical, so when I first stepped into Edgren High School in Misawa, Japan, I met with a pleasant surprise. The cliques still existed, but the boundaries were more like velvet ropes than barbed wire fences. A band geek could be the star quarterback of the football team, and the most popular girl in school could be head of the chastity club. Anything seemed possible and for the first time I got an inkling of what college, that mysterious assorted terrain of ultimate academia, might resemble.

The most significant difference discernible was the open-mindedness my peers had in vast quantities; there was an acute awareness that the world was bigger than the state border and people were essentially different. Nowhere else did I find people who wanted to look past the "stereotype" and see real human intentions. I was still essentially "the brain" whom teachers considered the failsafe for answers to questions in a cricket-quiet classroom, but in Japan I was also the smart Indian who loved to act and write skits. I was the five foot-one inch thespian who played the baritone saxophone, a vast instrument rivaling her miniscule height. I was the slightly OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) girl who didn't live in her textbooks, but had a busy life full of crazy friends and fun weekends. Without the eye opening experience of attending a DoDDS school in Japan, I would've hid behind those infernal stereotypes and never searched for the tolerant, socially developed person I've become today.

Peers at my new high school scoff when they hear that the Indian girl wants to be a doctor. "Aren't all Indians doctors or engineers?" they say. That is arguably a true statement, since most immigrant Indians come to the U.S. to pursue the science profession, a field that guarantees financial stability. The Indians occupying other fields of profession are probably still in India; this small, science-oriented group usually has the means to immigrate to America, lending to this delusion that everyone from India has a technical degree of some sort. Those who make such assumptions wouldn't comprehend that the utter poverty and lack of adequate health professionals in India is the real reason the girl wants to be a physician. I witnessed first hand an Indian hospital by shadowing a prominent cardiologist, and I saw the need and helplessness of people who, apprehensive of medical costs, wait until it's too late to seek necessary aid. After seeing a rail thin five year old on a feeding tube and ventilators, fighting extreme malnourishment and a respiratory illness stemming from polluted air, the allure of a hefty paycheck sits on the backburner to the pressing need of healthcare in third-world countries.

But intolerant thinking restricts such revelations, instead feeding society's blatant typecasting. No one would know that the girl taking way too many Advance Placement classes is secretly a classic rock buff, her iPod full of Led Zeppelin, Kansas, and Lynyrd Skynyrd. The golden age of mullet rock soothes her overstressed mind as she juggles school, expectations from a traditional Indian family, and the storm cloud of ambition dwelling in her heart, which demands a fulfilling life beyond the mores of a steady paycheck and 2.5 family.

It's undeniable that the "stereotype" which has tagged along for most of my life makes up a significant portion of who I am, as much as the fifteen odd countries I've visited have opened my mind to all walks of life and culture. Without facing this judgment we make so voluntarily of one another and experiencing an environment free of such pressures, I would never have embraced the person behind the label and fought to break that adolescent glass ceiling called high school hierarchy. I am blatantly aware of my race, my school standing, and what is expected of me from my family. At Edgren, I found momentary relief from the barrage of labels, but it only served to show that they're transparent, not worth agonizing over. It doesn't matter if people think I speak 'Indian' or go to sleep clutching a chemistry textbook, because I know that I am more than that Pre-Med Indian Girl. The next step begins when I grace the doors of a new academic institution, where all those 'beloved' tags are incinerated in the vortex of diverse individuals and peers gathering for one sole purpose: to reach their aspirations. Maybe there is still hope for that overachieving Indian girl, humming ACDC under her breath during play rehearsals, who dreams of the millions of possibilities ahead.

This is TOPIC OF MY CHOICE.

I've had this one edited multiple times, but I would appreciate some outside feedback. I've been told that it's a little negative/prejudiced. Help?

Um, you sound kinda bitter over being labeled with the "smart kid" stereotype. I understand this kind of frustration, being similarly labeled myself, but devoting the entirety of the first two paragraphs to this is going too far.

There are also some terms that you may want to define. I can guess what "Department of Defense Dependents School" implies (I know that military families tend to move frequently as parents are shuffled from base to base) but the word "Lilliputian" is completely beyond me.

This essay is about 1060 words. For most colleges this is way too big. From what I have been told, most admissions officers are sleep deprived young individuals who read half of the essays at midnight. In short, you may want to start cutting some stuff.

Thanks, Kevin.

My biggest concern was that the essay would seem a little overbearing. I'll try to cut some stuff. Thanks for the help!

This is expressed very well! I guess you are the "smart way with words" people, too.

And how about the way some school mascots and sports teams are named the "Indians," referring to Native Americans! The word Indian has been twisted into all kinds of things. And in addition to misusing the word Indian, they are made into a mascot, like panthers or pirates. What the heck. We don't use any other cultural groups as school mascots or the names of football teams!

...a vast instrument rivaling her minuscule height.---what does this mean!? Do you mean to say it is has a sound that you would not expect to hear coming from such a small instrument? Oh, wait a minute! I get what you are saying:

I was the thespian whose height -- five feet, one inch tall -- was rivaled by that of the baritone saxophone she played. played the baritone saxophone that vast instrument rivaling her miniscule height.

I was the slightly girl with the slight case of obsessive-compulsive disorder, who didn't live in her...

You write very well!

Thanks!! Your advice really helped. I didn't even catch that "miniscule" might be misinterpreted as a description of the sound.

And you are totally correct about the Indian mascot thing. It's kind of a degrading oddity. You don't see Pilgrims as a mascot! (Though that would be something :D )

I just wanted some more feedback since this is to be my main essay. :)

I agree with the Kevins. I like your way with words.

Just somethings I saw as confusing here and there:


modifier issue? the second clause doesnt connect like it should.
also, you switch between I and she and one and you. I like it sometimes, but other times, I get confused who is who, and what is what.


the you< informal


That is an arguable* statement, since...


first part is what I guess people could say stuck up...; plus, I don't think the two clauses connect. what do you mean by small, science-oriented group? the doctors/engineers? again, that clause at the very end, lending to this... doesn't connect somewhat. it hangs there.


what are the assumptions? it's not right after the previous ones, so the flow is somewhat interrupted. again, the girl...I guess you're going for a third person story effect, but it's a bit far from the place you start talking in third person, so it seems disconnected a tad. then in the following sentence, you go back to first.


and instead feeds*


this somewhat diminishes your claim about stereotypes. by mentioning tradition all of a sudden, you show that it is somewhat feeding into those stereotypes. so unless you say that yes there arguable facts about being Indian, but that you no there you shy away from them for such-and-such reasons, leave it out? would sound better and get a stronger point across


what's this mean? 2 and a half people?


ah. I see now. however, that as much as...I'm not sure the comma works here first part is present simple, second part has a "have" helping verb, fix it up a bit?


again, the we to one incongruency


maybe you can use a dash


Ok..why the still hope? you didnt mention losing hope or anything that seemed hopeless. maybe hope to sth?

I really liked the essay, thought it was quite long. You use a lot of complex sentence structure, sometimes overly so. If you could make a question about your essay, what do you think it would be? just wondering.

Thank you so much for the constructive criticism! It really helped. This essay has been worrying me.

Well, this essay was actually born out of computer ramblings that took on a life of its own. I did not have a specific idea in mind when I started typing, but it kind of formed itself.

My question would probably be:

If you detest stereotypes so much, how would you truly want yourself to be perceived?

This topic can be a little difficult to tackle. But thanks for your help everyone! It sure did give me an ego boost. :)