Write an essay describing your personal info you want considered as part of the application.You might include exceptional hardships, challenges or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.
. The Hermit
I wasn't a part of the creme de la creme of the society,and neither was I born into such a family. Nevertheless, I never had it as bad as having to beg on the streets to feed. However, there was always a void feeling I assumed followed me to the earth. As a young child, feelings of self rejection,unacceptance,and hate started to creep in. The sun never seemed to shine, and the nights always wore a gloomy look. Solitude was my only companion.
The more the days went by, the more I preferred to be alone. Instead of walking back home with my peers from school, I opted for taking a simpler, talk -free motorcycle ride.Even while in school, group works always terrified me, and led to some of my worst scores. Did the system actually work out for me? Suprisingly,it did; and this fueled my misconception that people were nothing more than distractions that needed to be flushed out of my life. I excelled academically and earned a lot of accolades, but never really had the character to match up with it. My communication skills were always non-existent, with my self-developing narcissistic attitude still intact. This led to a lot of confusion and near suicidal situations whenever I was called upon to address even a handful of people. I saw myself jumping chairs, running away from the sitting room whenever there was a knock on the front door; but later, I would find out more serious disadvantages of being a recluse.
Some weeks into my eleventh grade, I noticed the absence of my seat mate back in grade ten -Mark. Mark was the only person who truly understood me, and would give of a reason to chuckle once or twice in a week;but he was gone. I made it a priority to find out what happened, and it wasn't long before I got the bad news: Mark had to repeat the grade because of his poor records. As I got home that day, thoughts started to flood my mind, my conscience started pointing fingers at me saying.things like, "It's all your fault","See what your ego has done","If not for you, he wouldn't have failed".What a moment in my life!
Everything I once held as principles or motivations came into question. I had to sit down and make some drastic adjustments. It was then I realized, I had to open up, accept people, and try to help them, if I could. My faults were glaring and so was the need to correct them -So, I did. It wasn't as easy as it sounds but I knew that if I was a tad accommodating, if wouldn't be in such mess. And so came the changes -I started taking part in church activities such as Bible exaltations and organizing the day's programmes, that helped boost my communication and administrative skills. I tried reaching out to others (especially Mark),apologizing for my awful attitude and trying to make them see the change in me. It was quite suprising to see how many people readily accepted me, and I became like a second counselor in my school.Infact,when some of the teachers heard about the change, they were filled with glee and costantly gave me the opportunity to talk to my peers about academics and social life. To me, this was a remarkable feat. You see, years ago, I never envisaged myself tutoring a class for the forth-coming exams;but now, here I am doing so much more. I now see myself as a mentor to others, a light and most of all, a book to read.
Today, people both known and unknown,feel like family, like stepping stones, like gold that needs refining. As I try to take in what is my new life, I can't help but realize what I left unnoticed all these years;that we are one family, one people, that no one should lack self worth and empathy towards another. Just like Lilo in the cartoon,"Lilo and stitch" says: "Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind".This hermit has learned this and I hope everyone does too.
Your paper is fairly well written, but let's look at the prompt:
Write an essay describing your personal info you want considered as part of the application.You might include exceptional hardships, challenges or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.
Now let's look at it piece-by-piece:
---exceptional hardships
---challenges
---opportunities
---academic credentials
---personal responsibilities
---exceptional achievements
---[what] you might contribute
I'm not sure which, if any, of these things you've covered here.
jkjeremy,thanks for the criticism.Do I need to erase the story line, shorten it???
Sorry so late responding; lots of students to deal with today.
It's not necessarily a question of erasing or shortening the storyline. It's more a matter of ensuring that your storyline fulfills the criteria outlined in the prompt.
Simply answer the prompt.You write though you have a few grammatical errors here and there. If you want cite your prior reclusiveness and "self-developing narcissistic attitude" as the challenge you encountered, then try and elaborate more on the special moment that helped you change.
The Hermit
I wasn't a part of the creme de la creme
of the society,and neither was I born into
such a family. Nevertheless, I never had
it as bad as having to beg on the streets
to feed. However, there was always a
void feeling I assumed followed me to
the earth. Feelings of self rejection,
introversion, and hate started to fill me,
even at a young age. The sun never
seemed to shine, and the nights wore a
gloomy look. Solitude was my only
companion.
The more the days went by, the more I
preferred to be alone. Instead of walking
back home with my peers from school, I
opted for taking a simpler, talk -free
motorcycle ride.In school, group works
always frightened me, and led to some of
my worst scores. These acts, at that time,
felt like the right thing to do; little did I
know that they would make me anti-
social,inhumane, not to talk of narcissistic.
Human beings to me felt like trash. I
abhorred talking to people, volunteering,
and helping others. To my parents, I was
lost; to me, that was not the case. Seeing
others less inferior than my 'all powerful'
self, ego skyrocketing, not to talk of the
new bounce in my step just made my the
world seem to revolve around me. I
believed things would always remain the
same but was proved wrong by an
unfortunate incident.
Some weeks into the 11th grade class, I
noticed the absence of my seat mate back
in grade 10 -Mark. Mark was the only
person who could tolerate my egocentric
behavior, and that was what baffled me
about him. Now he was gone. Secretly, I
started making findings about what
happened(not that I cared, or so I kept
lying to myself).It was then the news
broke: Mark had to repeat the grade
because of his poor records. At that
moment, I started to feel pity, which to
me at that time, was somewhat
disgusting. As I got back home, my
conscience began to judge me:"It's your
fault","You knew about his academic
challenge and didn't help him, why?"
These threw me into a world of confusion
and I felt something urging me to
reconsider my stance about other people.
What a moment!
Geared up to prevent something like that
from ever happening again, a few changes
had to be made. The plan was to talk to a
few people each day, maybe try to know
them, but not going too far. So each day,
I would try walking up to someone of my
age group at school or in church,
introduce myself and start a conversation.
Days became weeks and weeks, months.
I couldn't believe my eyes -I actually
enjoyed this. Before you knew it, I
started to make new friends. My
communication skills got better as I
interacted with others and my
misconception, changed. With this
improvements, I joined the school's
senior science club and was even elected
into the school's congress,which was
meant to work like the National Congress
(but just for my school).In the Student
Congress, as it is called, I represented my
class and worked hand in hand with the
school management in the creation of
rules and in voicing the minds of students
to the authorities. This recluse was
actually beginning to open up and accept
responsibilities. My parents and teachers
noticed it, and so did the teens pastor of
my local church. He later gave me the
responsibility of:posting edifying notes on
the notice board, assisting in the
management of the church's Facebook
page, and sending invitations and
reminders to members and guests when
having special programs.
With these convictions that I could
actually make a difference, I started
tutoring some of my classmates for the
forthcoming exams .The experience was
great, and one of the things I noticed was
the 'give and it will be given unto you'
blessing. You see, the more I taught
others, the more knowledge I acquired,
enabling me to excel immensely in my
studies. Now I believe that I could add
value to any institution with this three
principles I learnt: Never give up;be the
change and always try to be better than
the person you were yesterday.
This hermit has learnt this, and I hope
others will too.
