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"The soloist" - Something important that didn't go according to plan


freezard7734 17 / 209  
Aug 27, 2010   #1
Prompt: Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

This is my first attempt at this kind of essay. Does it adequately answer the questions of the prompt?

The beat of my restless heart reverberated through my head.

I'm not supposed to be here!

My sweaty hands gleamed from the fluorescent lights as my fingers nervously twitched on the silver flute.

Of all days, why did she become sick today?

The soloist had contracted the flu the night before the performance. Although, as first chair, I was told to prepare for the piece as well, just for good measures, I had only glanced at a few measures of the piece. My stage fright and the pressure was excessively nauseating. What if I make terrible mistakes? What if - the lights dimmed.

Oh no!

Thunderous applause greeted conductor as he majestically marched toward podium and motioned my presence. Reluctantly, I stepped forward and bowed to my doom. My mouth trembled as I slowly held my flute to my lips.

Okay. Take a deep breath and forget about the audience. Just make the right embouchure, and let the music flow.

I began the Meditations. Fortunately, I recalled by heart its mellifluence of the piece when the original soloist had rehearsed with us. I closed my eyes and absorbed the familiar melodies. The euphony of the accompanying harmony soothed me. I forgot my fear...

As I concluded with a smorzando, the audience let out a sigh of contemplative relief. Their heartfelt applause filled me with self-confidence and pride. Despite impromptu preparations, by immersing myself into the dulcet tones, I conquered my fear of the stage.
blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Aug 27, 2010   #2
The first question that comes to my mind is what exactly are you overcoming? At the very end you claim that you overcame your stage fright but for most of the essay I thought that you were trying to overcome your lack of practice of your musical piece. You'll need to clarify this.

Also, I feel like the question wants to know more about how you conquered your situation and then how that was a lesson for you/how that reflects a characteristic of you. You catching my drift?

Good luck.
name_here - / 37  
Aug 27, 2010   #3
The beat of my restless heart reverberated through my headbody .

just for good measures ,

Hi, I think this essay answers the prompt pretty well. I love the example that you chose! I would only suggest that you emphasize more on how because things didn't go according to plan you were able to conquer your stage fright and everything that you learned from the experience?

by the way, was the piece that you played possible, Meditation, by Thais?
OP freezard7734 17 / 209  
Aug 28, 2010   #4
Thanks for the comments and advice. I'm going to need to revise it; I also thought it was lacking somewhere..

Oh, not that Meditation. The one by Massanet (originally for violin)
OP freezard7734 17 / 209  
Aug 28, 2010   #5
emphasize more on how because things didn't go according to plan you were able to conquer your stage fright and everything that you learned from the experience?

I'm still not sure about the first one, but do you think my new version adequately addresses what I learned from the experience?

The beat of my restless heart reverberated throughout my head.

I'm not supposed to be here!

My sweaty hands gleamed from the fluorescent lights as my fingers nervously twitched on the silver flute.

Of all days, why did she become sick today?

The soloist had contracted the flu last night. Although, as first chair, I was told to prepare for the piece also for good measure, I thought it couldn't happen. I was hardly prepared for such an exhibition and hated performing in front of staring eyes; my stage fright and the pressure were excessively nauseating. What if I make terrible mistakes? What if - the lights dimmed.

Oh no!

Thunderous applause greeted conductor as he majestically marched toward podium and motioned my presence. Reluctantly, I stepped forward and bowed to my doom. My mouth trembled as I slowly held my flute to my lips.

Okay. Take a deep breath and forget about the audience. Just make the right embouchure, and let the music flow. You can do this!

I began the Meditations. Fortunately, I recalled by heart its mellifluence of the piece when the original soloist had rehearsed with us. I closed my eyes and immersed myself into the familiar melodies. The euphony of the accompanying harmony soothed me. I forgot my worries...

As I concluded with a smorzando, the audience let out a sigh of contemplative relief. Their heartfelt applause filled me with self-confidence and pride. Since then, through meditation and self-encouragement, I conquered my fear of the stage.
rayban11 7 / 24  
Aug 28, 2010   #6
Is this one of the MIT short answer questions? I think your piece is well-written, but maybe try to be a little more specific about its impact on you? I think you answer the first part of the question very well, but maybe focus on "How did you manage the situation?"

Just my two cents :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 29, 2010   #7
Look at all these commas you can annihilate:
Although as first chair I was told to prepare for the piece as well just for good measure, I had only glanced at a few measures of the piece.

It seems unnecessarily confusing to use measure in two different ways in this sentence. Maybe it is better like this:
Although as first chair I was told to prepare for the piece as well in case I needed to fill in, I had only glanced at a few measures of the piece.

The euphony of the accompanying harmony soothed me. I forgot my worries...----- nice. It would be great to include another sentence that tried to describe the relief you must have felt when all the tension went away and you settled into the moment.

I think that is what Zen is all about. And Zen is influenced by Taoism like this, which I think you'll enjoy: spiritual-wholeness.org/mystic/text/non_ac9.htm "The Archer"
name_here - / 37  
Aug 30, 2010   #8
I think the revised version does help show more about over-coming your stage-fright. Some people don't like to do this, but sometimes it helps to show your thoughts in italics.

Oh, and I meant Meditation by Massenet from Thais, haha, it's such a pretty piece. I did a solo on that piece too!
OP freezard7734 17 / 209  
Aug 30, 2010   #9
but sometimes it helps to show your thoughts in italics.

Yeah, but the prompt box I'm supposed to answer in only allows normal text: no bold, no underline, not italics. :( Yeah.. pretty lame.

Kevin, I tried revising as you advised. Does this sound better?

The beat of my restless heart reverberated throughout my head.

I'm not supposed to be here!

My sweaty hands gleamed from the fluorescent lights as my fingers nervously twitched on the silver.

Of all days, why did she become sick today?

The soloist had contracted the flu last night. Although as first chair I was told to prepare for the piece also for good measure, I thought it wouldn't happen. I was hardly prepared for such an exhibition and hated performing in front of staring eyes; my stage fright and the pressure were excessively nauseating. What if I make terrible mistakes? What if - the lights dimmed.

Oh, no!

Thunderous applause greeted conductor as he majestically marched toward podium and motioned my presence. Reluctantly, I stepped forward and bowed to my doom. My mouth trembled as I slowly held my flute to my lips.

Okay. Take a deep breath. Forget about the audience. Just make the right embouchure, and let the music flow - You can do this!

I began the Meditations. Fortunately, I recalled by heart its mellifluence when the original soloist had rehearsed with us. The euphony of the accompanying harmony soothed me. I closed my eyes and immersed myself into the familiar melodies; I soon forgot my tension and worries...

As I concluded with a smorzando, the audience let out a sigh of contemplative relief. Their heartfelt applause filled me with self-confidence and pride. Since then, through meditation and self-encouragement, I conquered my fear of the stage.

Oh my god! I read that article you linked, Kevin, and it explains that dilemma I've been feeling so well and concisely. I commend that article! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 31, 2010   #10
You must have been reading the first draft.

Yep, I had a brain malfunction.

Hey, this is great. And thanks for teaching me a few new words! I guess I still think that the most important part of the essay is the sentence that tries to capture the feeling of having the tension subside when the energy of the music started to carry you. As of now, you just say "I soon forgot my tension and worries," but I think you can add another sentence and go deep into your explanation of this, just like Chuang Tzu did in that example.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 2, 2010   #11
By clearing my mind, I was free of tension; I was able to express not lust for approval but desire for beautiful music...

Yep, that will work. Nice! actually, reflect might work as well as express does. The sound reflected not lust for approval but...


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