PROMT:-If admitted to Michigan State, you will join a diverse community of students, faculty, staff, and alumni. Please respond to the following hypothetical situation: In your first-semester English course you are assigned a group writing project to be completed within a week. In addition to yourself, your group is comprised of five other students, some of whom are from different countries and/or have different racial/ethnic backgrounds than you. Please explain how your past life experiences will help you effectively collaborate with your group members in order to achieve success on this project.
1st draft. I would like feedback if i was able to answer the prompt sufficiently.
For the past ten years of my life, I have been to many places. I have met many people on those travels, different in race, ethnicity and culture. In four years I have been assigned to countless groups for class, clubs and organizations. I have worked with many people who are patient, bossy, obnoxious or friendly. It would be dense if I let someone's culture or belief stop myself from interacting with them because no matter what their ethnicity or belief is, they are people who can think analyze and succeed. It would be a huge mistake on my part to think that someone's difference is a disadvantage for it is in fact an advantage. Diversity is what propels ideas and innovations.
I have been carrying this thought with me ever since Relay For life. It was my first year to participate in the event and as a co-captain. I and my friend had persuaded our friends to join our team, so what we ended up with was a diverse group of people who shared one goal: to raise as much money as we can to fight cancer. Although it took a lot of patience and perseverance to get everyone together and their undivided attention towards fundraising, we managed to make well over our goal. Howeverwe were stump on on-site ideas, we thought of a couple of fundraisers but most of them have been used in the past. My friend, Ashna, came up with a brilliant idea, her mother and she could get henna, a temporary tattoo commonly used in India for celebrations and everyone could make designs. It was exciting to come up with a new event and it felt like a group effort.
I have met many different people on those travels, different in race, ethnicity and culture.
I have worked with many people who are either patient, bossy, obnoxious or friendly. I think this way it sounds better.
It would be dense if ... What is It referring to? I think this could be clarified. The same applies to the next sentence.
Diversity is what propels ideas and innovation. I am not so sure about this one but I think it should be innovation and not innovations.
My friend and I persuaded ...
However we were stumped on some on-site ideas...
The last two sentences seem like they are going to start a thought but end abruptly. Maybe its only me.
I hope I could help you.
