For a long time, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. As a child, I had the same dreams and aspirations as any other five year old.
I don't think this is a good way to start. It is all about mediocrity. Why not be all about some interesting concept? Start out by drawing the reader into a vision you have for the future, something you want to do.
From there, my whole perspective
of on things changed.
I think this could be better with fewer words:
From there, my whole perspective
of things changed.
ha ha, I really like this sentence: If there were no accountants, the companies finances would run amok.
Okay, here is my challenge for you. Start a new essay, and start it with the last paragraph of this essay as the first para of the new essay.
Write this:
In a business, you have accountants, financial analysts, managers, CEO's, and other jobs. A business utilizes every aspect of each sector to run... and continue until you get to the part where you want to be a part of this. Write an essay about the specific industry you would like to enter and the goals you have as a businessperson. Get very specific with this new essay, which will be all about business.
:-) I hope that is not too much of a challenge!