Hi everyone! The deadline to submit this is February 1, 2011! It's so close!
Okay, so this is my essay for the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT) for admission into the Fashion Merchandising Management (FMM) program.
Hope you like it and help if you can! GOD BLESS!
Prompt:The topic of the essay will answer the following questions: What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT? Why are you interested in the major you are applying to? The essay is also your chance to tell us more about your experiences, activities and accomplishments. (No more than 750 words, please.)
Sometimes, I Think I am Very Cool
In my best moments I am shimmering and dewy. Petal-like and soft, and in my best moments, I show the person GOD created me to be. As an elementary school student, lace socks folded beneath a monochrome sweat-suit, I was known as a shy girl. It was never the case that I was afraid of speaking but that I felt if I had nothing to say, why say more than was necessary? I spent most of my time drawing people, which were to me the most interesting subject. I nurtured this skill throughout middle school, selling orca whale drawings for ten cents each and learning more about human anatomy. Although this business endeavor was short-lived, I did appreciate the feeling of having others want and pay for something I had made.
During the summer of eighth grade, I decided to makeover myself. Entering high school had been in everyone's mouths and ears, and the more I thought about it, the more I took it as a chance to experiment with a different form of art: fashion. Habitually, I was crawling the web viewing shots of runway shows, and after briefly dating the idea of being a women and menswear designer, I realized that I would prefer a career on the opposite side of the table, crunching numbers and managing merchandise in the business field. It clicked. Suddenly and surprisingly, the answer to "what I want to be when I grow up" was in my lap. It was all I could do to feed my mountainous curiosity and learn of programs offered by various colleges. As I progressed through high school, I settled on New York City, the fashion capital of America, as the place in which I'd pursue my goals. I prayed to GOD many nights to lead me to the best choice, and after viewing and reviewing my top schools, I decided on the Fashion Institute of Technology. It was the one school that had a business section equaling in strength to its art section. Reading the description for the Fashion Merchandising Management program and its heart-thumping curriculum, I saw alignment with my own personal goals. I was happy knowing that GOD had given me such a perfect answer, and realizing that I could attend was exciting and fun.
In my sophomore year of high school, I entered the Visual Arts Scholastic Event (V.A.S.E.) art competition, using the skills I had cultivated to create a self-portrait that expressed the Favor, as it was so titled, that GOD had bestowed upon me. I received the highest score of four at the regional level and lettered at my high school, and after advancing to state, I received another four, a medal, and the ability to have patches for my letterman jacket showing my accomplishments. For me, it was a connection between the creativity I had and the business career I wanted to pursue, as I still needed to retain artistic expression to be able to grow and thrive in the fashion industry.
What I expected for myself in life coming to fruition, I thought, smiling and sparkling, "This sort of me who has purpose and ambition is very cool."
Let's add an action verb to clarify a little:
I spent most of my time drawing people, which were represent to me the most interesting subject.
I am so impressed with the first sentence and the whole intro... very cool indeed.
BUT in that intro you introduced a theme of being this particular kind of dewy, cool person... so at the end of the intro, give a sentence that refers back to this person you are in your best moments, and USE THAT AWESOME THEME as the theme for the essay.
...I did appreciate the feeling of having others want and pay for something I had made.(Right here, make a connection with the person you are in your best moments. Tie it in with that theme. You can be that person if you sell your art.)
I hope my advice is not too late, because I see that the deadline is today, but I think you should be confident in this essay, anyway. It has lively energy!
:-) If you inspire the reader, that is the greatest thing. To this essay, I would add some more mention of short term goals.
