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Song choice on a talent show; a roommate who needs to know you; NYU and Stanford supplemental essays


Angela629 9 / 86  
Dec 5, 2008   #1
Here is my prompt and essay, again, I want to thank every one who has been giving me advices. Thanks a lot, for all the help given.

Essay 1:

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?

Frankly, my singing skills are just not as good as my swimming and therefore, being selected to sing at a talent show poses a real challenge to me. However, there is indeed one song that I would choose if I had to sing, Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. This song not only falls within my vocal range, it is also one of the few songs that I really liked when I first listened to it, and one of the few that depicts me well, my life and personality.

"Release your inhibition...
I break traditions,
Sometimes my tries are outside the line.
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes,
But I can't live that way."
When I first hear it on radio, I was shocked by such words. There are indeed many limitations in the world but there are few people who are willing to stand against it. A few years ago, when people in China were still not allowed to talk about the negative sides of the government, people remained silent and idol. When I asked others about it, they agreed with my opinion but was not willing to publicize because there is no reason, as I remembered they put it, to be against the government. People were all afraid of the jurisdiction that is already corrupted, but still nobody stepped out. I was very sad that people living in their own country are not willing to help it correcting its mistakes.

However, limitations doesn't only exist in politics, everywhere in your life, there are always things that you can't do. Even since grade three, my teachers always yell at me about not getting a perfect full mark, the standard of a good student in China. I was tired of the same boring ways to be taught, criticized and had so many exercises. I disliked the system and only liberated when I moved to the UAE, where I studied in the American Curriculum. I love the part when she sang that, we live in a restraint place where we aren't allowed to do certain things, but my soul will not give up

To me, everyday is a new beginning of life and whatever you have done in the past, whether it's good or bad, you can always start again. Personally, I think everything could should be given a second chance, like the lyrics say, "Today is when your book begin, so history is still unwritten." When I wake up every morning, I tell myself this is a new beginning and everything that I did wrong yesterday can be made up, every mistakes I made in my way can be repaired, and as long as you have hope and confidence, every thing will be the way you want it to be. That's who I am, no matter how times I fail, I tell myself, there is always a second chance that I could try.

Essay 2:

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your freshman roommate to know about you? Tell us something that will help your roommate and us to know you better:

Stanford university is not only famous for its students' intellectual vitality, the campus is also known for matching people with their likes and dislikes. One of my favorite story I heard is from a student guide when I visited Stanford, she told me that during her freshmen year, she had a roommate who loved The Red Sox and hates soccer. Another good friend, who lives across the hall, is so different from her roommate in every way except that she loves The Red Sox and hates soccer. These two people didn't get along at first but became best friends before the end of Freshmen year and now, she said, they are planning to share apartment together after they graduated. Because of that, I realized how important it is for your roommate and your dormmates to know something about you, because they will be the ones living with you for the best year of university.

The first thing I think my roommate should know about me is that I'm very outgoing. I love to hang out with others and being in a group; when I was small, I was too energetic at home so mum suggested to learn how to perform. I took dancing, gymnastics and piano lessons and learned how to perform in front of others. When I had mastered this skill, I was so proud that I began to entertain everyone with my skills and talents. Everytime I perform, smiling faces began to appear and I was very proud of what I can do for them even though this is just as simple as entertaining others. Eventually, I became very extrovert and forthcoming because of the confidence I gained from performing.

I don't like to be isolated and alone, whenever I enter a new environment, I tried to learn its culture and background then do my best to embrace the system, because one of the favorite things that I like to do is learning and understanding different cultures. However, sometimes I'm tired of being in the whirlwind of society and would love to just have a moment to be me. And people would be surprised at how I can change myself. My native, Chinese have easy flowing characteristics but they act differently when they need to say something because they all know the famous saying, "Most of the disasters start from your tongue"; the Arabs are good at verbal communications, when they talk or sing, it seems like words just flow out of their mouth in such a beautiful way that they can convey a message without actually saying it. My style is different. I am, when comparing to these 2 cultures, very bold in my words. I don't like to pretend I know something when I don't, and even though I blend into other cultures, I don't like to compromise myself in order for the culture to accept me.

I'm also a great storyteller, I learned how to tell everything from fables to jokes. When I was in China, I was actually considered one of the funniest kids in my class and can always cheer my friends up when they are down. I also stand by my friends when something happened to them. I'd want to let my roommate know this so that whenever they are down, there will be someone to cheer them up and be on their side.

A comedian needs source for his jokes, so do I. When I was in China, I read all kind of magazines to get these materials, however, when I moved to the UAE, I changed the source from books to movies, which now has became one of my main source of entertainment. I really want my roommate to appreciate this because it's one of the most important things that shaped my personality is the movies. I not only pick up my sources from them, I have also learned a lot more than just storytelling. I want to share this with my roommate since I always let my best friend know the other side of me when I hang out with her. It's very nice to be around your most intimate associate cause you can feel the familiarity and sense of warmness around them. I used to go to the movies with my best friend, Mariam, once in a while, and we would both laughed so loudly that some people even turned and stared at us. But we didn't care, as long as we had fun and we never mind what others thought. I would like to do the same with my roommate, go to the movies, enjoy ourselves, have fun and most importantly, get to know each other and gain the proximity between our friendship without actual verbal communications.

What is interesting is that my American friends told me I somehow learned American mannerisms and sarcasm while I was watching these hilarious entertainments. I guess I've picked up them unconciously while getting my source of jokes, The wild expressions that actors and actresses sometimes make during the movie create such a scene on their faces that people can read through it and laugh out loud. At first, I didn't even realize that I started doing this because it felt normal everytime I rolled my eyes or raised a brow to express disbelief or [describes a word: how you feel when you think someone is helpless], and it wasn't until that I came to the United States three weeks ago that someone reminded me of how American my personality is. That's when I started to feel the hope, after never been completely blended into the communities that I tried to fit in so much, of being able to blend into the main stream of this society without actually changing or compromising any part of me. In other words, I really wanted people to appreciate who I am without thinking about the culture that I have experienced.

Moreover, I would also talk about my independence in day to day tasks when I introduce myself to my roommate. Though I have not been to the military, I live like one. And this comes from the daily life that I have experienced in the boarding school in FuZhou, where I studied grade four and have a lot of fun and learned a lot of things. During my time in this school, I learned how to manage myself. I needed to manage get up early and do all the chores by myself like cleaning the room, go to class punctually and getting along with the people you are living with. Most of these tasks I have rarely do by myself are now, all on my shoulder. However, rather than blaming on my parents, I was very grateful because I understand, later on, that this very much helped me to gain independence that most children in China do not have. So I don't think that leading an independent life on campus would be any different from my daily, independent life since nine. I have always managed to do things on time and live in a regimented schedule, which I have followed for the last six years.

The last thing I wanted my roommate to know is that I'm looking forward to this new environment and can't wait to meet my roommate. From a very young age, I started seek adventures and thrill, because the daily life bores me and nothing captured much of my attention. I have so much to tell her; my adventure in the desert, my struggle with figure skating and my exotic theory about vampires and so much more that I wanted to tell her and I hope that she will appreciate my sense of adventure and understand that I will be a very good friend.

Thanks a lot for any inputs,
Angela629
Tojidofukuto - / 8  
Dec 6, 2008   #2
Your NYU essay looks sincere to me. The part about China is good. However, I do think you should strengthen your essay more. I am not convinced much by your essay.

Your Stanford essay is too long. The limit is only 1800 characters.
Good luck,
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 6, 2008   #3
However, there is indeed one song that I would choose if I had to sing: "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield.

This song falls within my vocal range, and it is also one of the few songs that I really liked when I first listened to it. More importantly, the lyrics are consistent with my life and personality.

I was very sad that people were not willing to help correct mistakes in their own country.

Stanford university is famous not only for its students' intellectual vitality, but also for its history of guiding people according to their likes and dislikes.

One of my favorite stories about Stanford was told to me by a guide during one of my visits to the campus. She told me that during her freshmen year, she had a roommate who loved The Red Sox and hated soccer. Another good friend, who lives across the hall, was different from her roommate in every way except that she also loved The Red Sox and hated soccer. These two people did not get along at first but became best friends before the end of Freshmen year, and now, she said, they are planning to share an apartment together after they graduate. Because of that, I realized how important it is for your roommates to know something about you, because they will be the ones living with you for the best years of university.
killeraj21 - / 2  
Dec 9, 2008   #4
yeah i heard there was a 500 character limit for nyu
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 16, 2008   #5
"You're so different compared with yourself five years ago. You've begun to see things in different perspectives and make decisions with insight. And I can no longer stop you from stretching your wings." This is what my mother said to me after we revisited...

For the one about the talent show, you will be saying enough if you let your personality and way of thinking show through. It is a way to show your personality.

Given the chance, I would like to initiate a club at NYU to focus specially on protecting minority rights. The club should be inclusive of all people , regardless where they come from or who they are. This idea is not a new one, but it is one that has yet to be sufficiently enacted.
jme 1 / 6  
Dec 16, 2008   #6
WAY TOO long for Stanford and NYU. You grab me with your first words and lose me before I get to the second paragraph. Busy admission officers want you to get to the point. When you get to college, you will have to make your points often within page limits on timed examinations. You need to be able to demonstrate that your essay has well connected points and is to the point.
gracetm 6 / 13  
Dec 18, 2008   #7
Yeah, I think the summer one is a bit off topic...The purpose of the question is to know how you make full use of your vacation. Maybe you can talk about what you learned about China during the visit. If you want to talk about your personal changes, write sth more specific and detailed.
OP Angela629 9 / 86  
Dec 19, 2008   #8
Thanks, I actually thought it was kind of off-topic, but now is too late, I already submit the form.


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