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'sophomore class presidents' - student government short answer common app

imbluedaba1229 1 / 2  
Dec 31, 2011   #1
hey, any feedback would be greatly appreciated :) thank you!!!

the underscored parts are names by the way. first one is my name, and second is my co-president.


Standing by the loudspeaker, I eagerly anticipated the results. Countless pessimistic thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to envision the different possibilities this announcement could entail. The intercom roared, "This year's sophomore class presidents will be _______ and _______" This statement echoed in my mind hundreds of times during that moment. That was it. The moment that I was yearning for weeks finally came. Since then, I have been elected as the class co-president for a total of three consecutive years where I've organized dozens of school events, created a school store, and best of all, shared my passion for leadership with others. My leadership abilities have prospered and I have become much more confident overall. Being a leader has transformed me into a completely different person with more confidence and skills that I will need for college as well as life.
carochoi 3 / 22  
Dec 31, 2011   #2
This is a solid essay; However, it sort of portrays you as a perfect leader that has nothing to improve on. Maybe you could talk about a different event, (maybe about the school store and how your leadership helped make it successful) or something that has less emphasis on how you were elected. A specific event would be better, because it would actually show why you are fit to be a leader and why others voted for you.

If you have time, it would be great if you looked over my common app essay as well. Thanks!
OP imbluedaba1229 1 / 2  
Dec 31, 2011   #3
which essay would you like me to look over? thank you for your input! ALL FEEDBACK IS WELCOME!

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