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Space Boys NFT - My College Application Essay



yonathan2121 1 / -  
Sep 29, 2024   #1
Hi everyone,

I'm working on my college application essay and would really appreciate any feedback. I'm especially looking for help with the overall flow, and I'd like to know if any parts feel repetitive or not interesting. Additionally, I'd love your thoughts on whether I should expand on or remove certain topics.

Thanks in advance for any advice or suggestions you can offer!

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Growing up, while my cousins and friends lived comfortably, my parents faced constant financial struggles. Despite this, they prioritized giving my brother and I the best opportunities, moving from one failed business to the next with unwavering determination. Watching their perseverance sparked something in me-a desire to create something of my own and build financial stability. Cornelius Vanderbilt once said, "never be a minion, always be an owner," and I adopted that philosophy as my guiding principle. With this mindset, I was always searching for ways to make extra money, living by the motto, "seek, and you shall find."

My entrepreneurial journey started during the COVID-19 pandemic, when my friend and I pooled $100 of our birthday money to launch a small sneaker-flipping venture. The excitement of turning profits fueled my entrepreneurial drive, but this was only the beginning. It wasn't long before I stumbled across NFTs (non-fungible tokens) through a TikTok video. Intrigued by the concept of digital assets, I dove in, but my first experience was harsh-I lost $100 in a poorly configured transaction. The loss felt significant, especially since I had convinced my parents to let me try this new venture, promising them I'd give it back. That's when Terces, a seasoned NFT community member, stepped in. He noticed my mistake and not only reimbursed me for my loss but also offered his mentorship. Through his guidance, I co-founded SpaceBoysNFT, a project that would eventually generate over $2.5 million in revenue. Building SpaceBoys wasn't just about creating digital assets; it was about creating a community. I led marketing efforts that grew our Discord to over 5,000 members and our Twitter following to over 20,000. Managing a team of 4, I learned invaluable leadership skills-how to communicate clearly, delegate responsibilities, and maintain team morale.

Our success peaked when I took a calculated risk and invested $16,000 in an NFT world, a metaverse platform built on Minecraft to reward our NFT holders. The investment quickly appreciated to $80,000, and my confidence soared. But then, everything changed. I made another investment, but this time I fell for a fraudulent website that mimicked a legitimate purchasing site. Overnight, I lost $100,000 worth of NFTs and Ethereum.The loss was devastating-not just financially, but emotionally. Hours of work disappeared in seconds, and I felt the weight of my community's doubt. Some members began to question my integrity, thinking I had intentionally taken the funds. Even though the blockchain cleared my name, the mistrust stung. The entire experience tested me in ways I hadn't anticipated.But I don't see this experience as a defeat. It taught me lessons it would have taken years to learn otherwise. I gained marketing knowledge, honed my risk management skills, and learned how to maneuver the blockchain. I discovered the importance of working as part of a team and, most importantly, learned how to handle adversity. This experience not only instilled life lessons but also strengthened my entrepreneurial spirit, cementing my passion for starting my own business.Rather than view failure as a dead end, I see it as a stepping stone for growth. That's why I don't consider this experience-or anything in my life-a complete failure. Every setback is a learning tool that moves me forward. This journey has made me more vigilant, cautious, and resilient. I now double-check every transaction and meticulously research every opportunity, ensuring I'm not as naïve as I once was.

While SpaceBoysNFT didn't end as I had hoped, the lessons I learned have been invaluable. I now understand the critical role of transparency, the importance of community, and the resilience needed to face challenges head-on. This experience didn't just shape me as an entrepreneur; it shaped me as a person. I now approach life and business with a balanced perspective-one that acknowledges risks but remains open to new opportunities.

If you read all this I really appreciate it and hope I can get some feedback.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15224  
Sep 30, 2024   #2
While the prompt you chose for this narration seems to be applicable on the outset, a deeper reading will make the examiner realize that you chose the wrong prompt. The onset of the actual story contains information that appears to be more applicable to the prompt relating to a story that you feel would help complete your story. The journey you undertook in this statement offers an insight into your financial responsibility and investment understanding mindset / development rather than an obstacle or failure you had to overcome. I will be great if you can also tell the story in a shorter manner. The reviewers do not have the time to read through such a lengthy story. They prefer essays that submit the information in a concise, yet memorable manner.

The first paragraph is not an effective hook. It is the same old story that almost all college applicants have in relation to their upbringing and the financial struggle of their parents. There is nothing that will hold the interest of the reviewer and make him wish to learn more about you. I would not rely on those quotations either. Reviewers prefer to get to know you through your own mindset, definition, or understanding of your personal situation. Try to develop that with a more interesting and personal introduction instead.


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