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"I won't speak much at first"; Stanford Essay-Future Roommate


hannahdowdy 4 / 14 4  
Dec 26, 2012   #1
Dear future roommate,
I won't speak much at first, but don't be offended. It is just how I am. Always assessing, calculating, adjusting. In shyness comes safety, something I've learned that I haven't decided whether it is factual or just in my mind. I am extremely hardworking and dedicated, so I hope you don't mind my light still shining into the late hours of the night. I promise you won't hear much except the rustling of pages and the scribbling of pens. If you ever need me you'll always be able to find me; I'll be in constant revolutions around the library and coffee shop.

I have some quirks that you may want to know about, such as the fact that I turn into a kleptomaniac when I see cute clothes, but hypocritically hate when people use my stuff. I read uncontrollably which worries me that people think of me as boring. I am also a perfectionist, so if you see me getting unreasonably frustrated it is because I am irrationally hard on myself. I have some weird studying techniques so I hope it doesn't bother you when I sing the material or dance around to relieve stress. I also have a tendency to play Claude Debussy and other classical favorites while I'm writing. I have found that it helps my writer's block immensely. I also am consistently cold and will be almost attached to my electric blanket and fuzzy socks. I am a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to hygiene and appreciate my bathroom and shower time, however long it may be.

I am extremely indecisive but know that what I want to do is make a difference. To make something of myself and to live a life I have always imagined where all goals are reachable.

Don't know where to take it. My mind is so dead. I'm such a procrastinator. Help please.
katev 18 / 120 24  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
If you ever need me you'll always be able to find me; I'll be in constant revolutions around the library and coffee shop.

Awkward sentence. Don't think that merits a semicolon and your use of "revolutions" seems out of place

I turn into a kleptomaniac when I see cute clothes, but hypocritically hate when people use my stuff

Eeek... Before I got to the second part of the sentence I thought you were a thief, I think the adcom would too. Also, hypocrisy and unwillingness to share isn't something you necessarily want to highlight (I'm the same way though haha)

I'm a procrastinator too! (nudge nudge, can you look at my essay?)

Right now it's a little dark and gloomy. I know they say be yourself not someone else, but I would hope you don't want to present yourself as boring, a klepto, stingy, and OCD. (I don't want to sound mean, but a majority of your essay points to this)

Try to lighten it up. You're going somewhere with the dancing, music, and achieving your goals!


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