If you ever need me you'll always be able to find me; I'll be in constant revolutions around the library and coffee shop.
Awkward sentence. Don't think that merits a semicolon and your use of "revolutions" seems out of place
I turn into a kleptomaniac when I see cute clothes, but hypocritically hate when people use my stuff
Eeek... Before I got to the second part of the sentence I thought you were a thief, I think the adcom would too. Also, hypocrisy and unwillingness to share isn't something you necessarily want to highlight (I'm the same way though haha)
I'm a procrastinator too! (nudge nudge, can you look at my essay?)
Right now it's a little dark and gloomy. I know they say be yourself not someone else, but I would hope you don't want to present yourself as boring, a klepto, stingy, and OCD. (I don't want to sound mean, but a majority of your essay points to this)
Try to lighten it up. You're going somewhere with the dancing, music, and achieving your goals!