Essay 1 Prompt: in an essay of 300 words or less, discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
"You are Chinese. Eat rice." said grandpa in a commanding tone. I replied with silence and ate my oatmeal. I'm not a picky eater. I just choose my own source of carbohydrate. One year ago, when I was an exchange student speaking broken English, I signed up for AP biology with enthusiasm and was determined to excel in it. Now I've returned home, I designed a low-glycemic-load diet for my diabetic aunt, analyzed grandma's health report, and explained to mom how heme iron relates to her. While they trust my advice, it's thrilling to see intangible knowledge transforming into visible improvements. Even grandpa is less reluctant to reduce sodium intake after I illustrated how it affects blood pressure. Nevertheless, grandpa takes two bowls of rice each dinner as a ritual. Worse, it hurts him to see I hardly eat any rice. Bread, noodle, or potatoes can be snacks but just aren't the staple food for a Chinese.
How did rice take over dinner tables of 1.3 billion Chinese? It has been tied to the civilization's root and permeated our culture thoroughly. Rice is only mediocre nutrition-wise. Global warming could further threaten its yields. Less farming land forces us to give up local rice, leading to more fuel burned and more greenhouse gases released. The good or evil of modern transgenic rice is yet to prove. I can go on about further biochemical details behind rice, though I know they won't change grandpa's mind.
To grandpa, titles like "environmental engineer" would sound cold. All my hard science might not comfort him like some soft steamed-rice can. Science ought to serve human need. It's not a tool for bending one to another's will. So I want to seek the middle way till I can give most people a better solution.
(298 words)
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And here's another UIUC essay
Prompt: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.
Life is my raw material. I record bits of it from anywhere within my reach. My handy camera has but basic functions, yet it is able to capture the world's reflection from infinite possible angles. I upload clips-from spinning leaves, abandoned hospitals, to crying children-to a computer where I knead the mixture into a consistent dough of what I call "cinema reality". Montage, freeze-frame, and fade-out effect-those are some great tools to smooth the flow of images. Sound effects, vocal narrations, and beats are also vital elements. But the key is to extract a hidden theme from seemingly irrelevant scenes. More intriguingly, a conventional timeline needn't exist. Time will crawl forward in reality, whereas in my documentary it jumps, sometimes back and forth. Gaps left and stories untold have their irreplaceable charm.
I'm an amateur filmmaker. Experience in literature club and debate team has shown me the manipulative power of language. In search of more impressive ways to express, I'm awed by film language's flexibility in "grammar" and "reasoning". After all, life makes compulsive viewing. Life arouses a relentless desire in me to register both its visible and unseen facets. Having dealt with real-life footage born in my hands, I finally accept that individual's perception comes subjectively. Some answers needn't be so black and white. We all contribute to a random and messy, collective reality. Through a camera eye, I've found my way to connect and give back to the community.
Dziga Vertov: "It is far from simple to show the truth, yet the truth is simple". I know a skeptical audience of one thousand would give their sundry educated guesses of my production, if released. May the reality I couldn't cover reveal itself in a more objective sense in the sum of a thousand opinions then.
(298 words)
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So I'm an international student. I appreciate all advice/corrections on grammar, word choice, structure, or idea, etc. And of course harsh criticism welcomed! Thank you in advance!
do you feel I answer their questions enough? The prompt says "explain". I'm afraid I have too much description (first paragraph), not enough explanation. Any advice please!
One more question for both essays: although they didn't ask a why UIUC question, is it wise for me to address that in the essays? But then I have to cut words...tough...what's your opinion?
"You are Chinese. Eat rice." said grandpa in a commanding tone.
--> Man, you are hookin' me : )
determined to excel in it.
--> was determined to excel in it.
It has tied to the civilization's root
--> It is tied to the... or it has been tied to the...
leading to more fuel burned and more greenhouse gas released. The
---> ...and more greenhouse gases released.
To grandpa, title
--> To grandpa, titles like...
would always sound cold.
After all science cares for human need.
--> After all, science cares for human need.
- Science can't really "care" for anything so you might want to change that.
-Wow, I think you have a very creative/personal/interesting (haha yes, all of those characteristics) in your essay.
-Good Job!
Don't use a period if you are doing dialogue this way:
"You are Chinese. Eat rice," said grandpa in a commanding tone.
But if you want to express that he said it with a period at the end for a sense of finality... you can write:
"You are Chinese. Eat rice." said Grandpa admonished me in a commanding to ne.
Okay... the first essay is all story, no explanation. You are right! So, the thing to do is keep the first sentence, but replace most of the first paragra... and transform it into a paragraph about what you want to do.
Then... add a sentence to the beginning of paragraph two, and let it come before the sentence about the 1.3 billion Chinese. Let it be a topic sentence that establishes this as a paragraph that is about what you want to do in life.
Make it so that the essay answers that prompt... you know what to do! :-)
And yes, I thing it is appropriate to address "why UIUC"
