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"The special interest group"; what do you think? - considering civil engineer B.S


FYI 3 / 22  
Nov 23, 2008   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

"The special interest group", the title of the work material I had to submit as a final project for the 11th grade. Being the one in charge of the group was not an easy responsibility. I had to show full potential since I was also the one responsible of representing the group in front of the school principle. With this in mind, I knew there was no room for error.

As a matter of fact, I started my research by asking the first person who entered the room, my dad, about his field of interest. He smiled and asked me to follow him. I did not hesitate on going because I knew he was sure about it. He told me he wanted to introduce me to his workshop and office. I was so excited since I had no clue of what it looked like. Subsequent to our arrival, my eyes protruded from their sockets when I first saw that extraordinarily piece art on the wall. It was a building's three-dimensional CAD drawing. I started taking notes and pictures of everything I saw. The office was a blend of different fields ranging from architectural design to electrical drawings. The scene totally fascinated me.

Afterward, I arrived home, gathered the data I collected, and invited my group colleagues to my house. There, everyone started his work while I verified that everyone was on track. I knew that both team chemistry and potential were key elements in the success of any project. The day of the presentation came. I was a bit nervous yet proud of what I accomplished. Combining leadership and responsibility was not an easy position but I managed to be in a suitable figure for the presentation. Our teamwork was highly significant providing us with extra credit. Furthermore, the principle praised me for being a prospective partner.

This experience, coupled with the support of my parents, opened my eyes to a field I never thought was interesting and wide, civil engineering. This field has a fascinating balance between the certainty science and the uncertainty of the natural environment.

It enables you to be creative, curious, and scientifically logical. Consequently, I started researching and reading articles about this field, making it shape my dreams and person. For instance, I now know how skyscrapers built reach thousands of feet in the air, bridge suspension hangers support tons of cars and trucks, and water systems created support millions of city dwellers.

On the whole, I possess an earnest desire for higher college education in the field of civil engineering. My willingness to strive for education won't stop with bachelors. Engineering management would be my second step.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 23, 2008   #2
Good afternoon :)

I'm a little confused as to your first sentence; please clarify it because a confusing first sentence can really hurt the rest of your essay.

I think you use a good example as an answer to the prompt, but I think you could make a stronger correlation as to how this experience relates to the person you are now. It has got your interest, but is that all? What other effects has it had on you?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP FYI 3 / 22  
Nov 24, 2008   #3
Thanks a lot for the tip,

In regard to the first sentence, I meant that the title of the group project(assignment) I had to do is "The special interest group". That is, "The special interest group" is the name of the project.

Any ideas on how to start the first sentence?
I edited the piece, what do you think? any grammatical errors?
Thanks
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 24, 2008   #4
Good evening :)

I think you could still use the sentence you have now, but the title of the group should be properly capitalized. "The Special Interest Group."

"There, everyone started his work while I" his should be their because you are speaking of them as a group.

Avoid contractions in formal academic pieces; "won't" should be "will not."

Much better! Great work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP FYI 3 / 22  
Nov 25, 2008   #5
Thanks a lot for the help.

Have a nice day.
OP FYI 3 / 22  
Nov 25, 2008   #6
Could I use the same prompt to answer the following Essay question for another University(University of Texas at Austin) :

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

What do you think?

Best Regards.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 25, 2008   #7
You're very welcome!

I don't think this piece would work for this prompt, because it is asking about an "issue" that you feel strongly about, and your essay is more about an event that has happened to you; I don't think that you could relate this experience as an "issue." Issues are things such as global warming, taxes, and civil rights.

Keep up the hard work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP FYI 3 / 22  
Nov 26, 2008   #8
Thank you so much for all the assistance. (:
OP FYI 3 / 22  
Nov 26, 2008   #9
Could I use the prompt to answer the following essay (Vanderbilt University, Nashville, TN):

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

What do you think?

Best regards.
OP FYI 3 / 22  
Nov 26, 2008   #10
Could I use the prompt to answer the following essay (University of Illinois, at Urbana Champaign):

ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, write about how your personal or academic interests relate to your intellectual or professional goals.

(I'll edit some details for the word count)

If the prompt can't answer the question, how could I use the experience in the essay?

I hope my question made sense. What do you think?

Best regards.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 26, 2008   #11
I think it would be a good fit for that prompt; you might have to go into its impact on you a bit more for this prompt, but I think it could work.

I think it would also answer the second prompt very well. You relate your academic interest to your professional goals easily in the piece as it is, so it's just a matter of meeting the word count for this one.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP FYI 3 / 22  
Nov 27, 2008   #12
Thank you so much (:


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