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"Speedo" JHU Supplement Essay-Why choose this certain major


vvchitta 1 / -  
Aug 29, 2012   #1
Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.) (200-250 words)

With a huff and a puff, I had finally climber over the mountain. The mountain which had so eluded me for many years in the past, I had finally conquered it. The exhilaration had finally broken down both the pain and the exhaustion my heart had given my body. "More blood, stupid more blood", I yelled as loud as I can. After 10 minutes of my yelling, I realized my yelling was to no avail and realized that there might never be a time I can repeat this feat. So I quickly looked at all the surroundings around me and took in the majestic view and realized my heart was not calming down, my mother had told me not to ever go up the hill "You will die" she often threatened me. Today, I realized this might be true. At this strange crossroad of my life, my mind took it upon itself to be a doctor. The word doctor was alien to me, I knew it was someone who saves lives, and makes people better. As I quickly began the descent on "Speedo" I realized heart had not slowed down, and by now I was determined to be someone who can fix this and be the best of the best hear doctor in the world. This event happened when I was 5, and now I am 17 and ready to apply to the best university that helps achieve my dream, and Johns Hopkins is the right decision for my dreams.
KhanhZ 5 / 131 7  
Aug 30, 2012   #2
Hi, Vishnu)
Some of my corrections

The mountain , which had so eluded me for many years in the past, I hadwas finally conquered

"More blood, stupid more blood", I yelled as loud as I can. After 10 minutes of my yelling , I realized my yelling was to no avail and realized that there might never be a time I can repeat this feat.

(repetitive )

majestic view and realized my heart was not calming down ; my mother had told me not to ever go up the hill

and what is your essay about? I can hardly see a connection between the event you described and your desire to become a doctor. You need to explain that clearer.
samson rai - / 2  
Aug 30, 2012   #3
I had finally climber over the mountain.I think it should be ''i finally climbed over the mountain''
KhanhZ 5 / 131 7  
Sep 2, 2012   #4
Try varying sentence structure more, some sentences in your essay feel choppy and don't flow well enough.


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