so i just want someone to look this over. i am thinking of applying for nyu and this is what i came up with so far.
A. SPEND A DAY
i am having problems with this one. but i was thinking about a trench coat, rain, new york and audery hepburn
The delights and layers of a truffle
A truffle in comparison
I am different from the rest
A hard nut floating in this complicated world
A companion for your hard times
Dark, light, crunchy, every layer is me
Every layer reveals a different me
Every layer defines another me
Every layer is packed attached, incomplete with the rest of me
C. 2050 MOVIE
The Lipstick Memoirs of a Nocturnal Glamazon
The scenes of the movie will start during the night and will be illustrated through the dairy pages of a nocturnal girl. She thinks she has got life figured out and is ready to leap into the next stage of her life. However through the events which occur during her senior year she comes to the realization that not only is she not ready, but she is afraid of the future. Then one cold snow night, in her balcony, she realizes that all of her life all she wanted to do was grow up and be mature. She took responsibility, acted mature and loved being older then she really was. However as realization washes over her, she comes to the conclusion, that while she was chasing maturity she lost her childhood. She became ignorant of those sweet memories during those sunny days and those jumps in the puddles on rainy days. As she accepts this she transits into the next phase of her life and continues onward. With those ephemeral happy moments in her heart she grows up to become a successful writer who becomes well known for saying "hold on to your inner child, because the moments during childhood are the happiest ones and has the qualities those similar to a shooting star. Fleeting, brilliant and spectacular"
D. THE PROGRAM
Writing. Writing words. Writing stories. Writing articles. Writing in general pleases me. I have loved to write since I was a young child. I remember going into my fathers library one day and looking at the books with appreciation, love and respect. And though I was only 4 a love within my heart was ignited for writing. However it took me a few years before I recognized this love. And in order to make this love more complete and absolute I decided that I must become a writer. Being part of NYU's Creative writing program will enable me to stretch my boundaries as a self proclaimed writer. It will expose me to a wonderful city which is intriguing, inspiring and more fascinating then anything I have ever come across.
I like your poem. Very unique : )
C. 2050 movie.
- Okay I am not sure exactly what you're supposed to write here. But I am guessing something like writing a movie that you make in the year 2050?
--> I think that your idea is nice but it doesn't link to the title you gave it.
--> It's definitely not something I would expect as a response to the prompt. When I think of this prompt, i feel like they are looking for some dramatic change compared to the present and the future. Like how society will be completely different. I dont know i just think that your plot of the movie is similar to books or other movies that we have now....REMEMBER THIS IS JUST MY OPINION... but i dont know you can think about it
Writing. Writing words. Writing stories. Writing articles. Writing in general pleases me.
--> I like to start essays and paragraphs with short sentences. But "writing" is not really an attractive hook. You can think of something more creative.
Why not some more imagery of YOU writing or something like that??
nd though I was only 4 a
-->When you write, you always spell out numbers one through ten...right? So, it should be four.
- You say the word "love" like five times...cut down the repetition. You can always portray your love without explicitly saying love. It would be more powerful that way.
GOOD LUCK : )
i hope i helped a bit.
omgg. thanks, see this is the constructive criticism that i needed. yes, when i was writing I did notice the "love" thing but I was in such a hurry I dint change it. Umm yeah the 4 problem. I'll fix that as well.
The future... I didn't think of that. I was just thinking about how I would be. Not my surroundings however I guess that can be true. I was skimming through the other answers and they never mentioned anything about the future itself, so it never crossed my mind. But thats a very good point.
Hmpf.. writing. What do you think I should use instead? Should I just cross out that whole part?
I have some questions in regard to your truffle comparison.
Having not been fortunate enough to eat truffles with anything approaching a regular frequency, my knowledge of truffles ( and I'm assuming you mean the gourmet fungi, not the chocolate) is severely limited. However, your truffle analogy has severely confused me.
"A hard nut floating in this complicated world
A companion for your hard times"
First of all, truffles are not "nuts"- they're fungi. Also, why would they be a companion for hard times? Haha, if anything, I'd be able to afford them even less in hard times.
Also, do truffles have layers? Being unfamiliar with truffle anatomy, I'm not sure. But when you say "layers", I picture onion-like layers, and I am pretty sure that truffles are not like that at all. Wikipedia tells me that truffles do have a skin, so I suppose you could call that a layer, but even so that would only be one singular layer.
Anyway, I could be wrong, since I am certainly not an expert on truffles.
"hold on to your inner child, because the moments during childhood are the happiest ones and has the qualities those similar to a shooting star. Fleeting, brilliant and spectacular"
"Has the qualities" should refer to "moments", in which case "has" should be "have". Also, replace the period with a colon ("similar to a shooting star: fleeting, brilliant, and spectacular").
So you love writing- that's great! But what do you like about it? What books in particular have inspired you? This is a good chance to show off, since adcoms love to hear about the time you read War and Peace in seventh grade. Elaborate, please!
"It will expose me to a wonderful city which is intriguing, inspiring and more fascinating then anything I have ever come across."
I know that the usage of "which" and "that" can always be debated, but I believe in this instance "that" would be a better fit than "which". Also, the latter half of your sentence lacks parallelism- it would sound better as "more intriguing, more inspiring, and more fascinating".
i am talking about this truffle en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chocolate_truffle another example would the the ferro rocher candy.
i do see that you have quite a few good points. its always great to see things from another persons perspective. thanks. :].
I think you need to keep in mind that there is a 500 character limit. You have to cut down from the movie.
I absolutely love your poem and the metaphor, and how you compare yourself with a truffle.
But after reading it, your attributes are not revealed. You might want to reveal a characteristic of yours to the crunchiness of the truffle.
For example...Maybe it's your diligence that resembles the crunchiness.
But I love the overall idea.
Make sure your movie says Diary, and not dairy!
is this for transfer or freshman admissions?
Anything should be different for transfer or freshman admission to nyu?