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How did you spend your last two summers? Princeton supplement


Paul Jo 6 / 29  
Oct 18, 2011   #1
Anyone please revise my essay and give me some suggestions!

Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application.

Being involved in various extracurricular activities give me a sort of internal satisfaction and lessons scholastic achievements would not offer to me. It is my attempt to embark on ambiguous area with which I was unfamiliar, a daunting trip that sometimes chases me into stressful predicament. However, at the end of the path, I found myself learned something new, a precious knowledge I could have missed had I solely engaged in my academic affairs.

In the summer of 2010, when I was still a home-schooled student, I was proposed to participate in the All-China Kendo Competition as a member of the representative team of the city of my residence. In order to excel in the match, I practiced rigorously, investing huge part of my summer. In this process, I learned to appreciate the aids and advice presented to me, the way to respect adversaries, and the morals and regulations. Prior to the commencement of opening ceremony, the captain of my team emphasized that blindly pursuing after the triumph of game is a direct contradiction to the main point of this grand tournament. Rather, knowing to pay homage to the winners and being able to maintain modesty were prime objectives. I was surprise to see the civility of sportsmanship. I could see neither the boast of the triumphed nor the frustration of the defeated. Watching the winning team ascending the platform to receive award, without expressing an inch of regret, I acclaimed for the team. Looking up the azure sky, I felt the sun was even more dazzling than usual, as if to celebrate my growth.

The summer of next year is about another story I should narrate, after I finished my senior year of school, I made a plan to publish an anthology of poetries of three Northeast Asian countries: Korea, China, and Japan. I thought this experience would be an excellent opportunity to further my interest in literature. Collecting the poems and classifying them into similar themes required arduous efforts. For several times, I wanted to put the operation into hold from mental and physical exhaustion. However, alluding myself that this is another challenge that should be conquered, I persevered in the work, without being succumbed to any kind of obstacles and quagmire. I could finish the job and have the final copy of the book sent to the publishing company on time without delay. This was an especially significant experience in that I produced a creation of my own and expanded my possibility to confront impossibility.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Oct 18, 2011   #2
Being involved in various extracurricular activities give me a sort of internal satisfaction and lessons scholastic achievements would not offer to me.

^Boring. Remove in my opinion.

You make several basic grammar errors as well. Proof read and you should find them


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