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'spirited thinkers and future leaders' - UC #1 -- the world from which you come

HDelattre 1 / 1  
Nov 26, 2011   #1
"Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

A fortunate few know the pleasure of waking up at five in the morning so that they may argue foreign policy just four hours later. That is the world of parliamentary debate, a competition of fierce dialectic, smooth rhetoric, and the occasional anxiety attack. To many, it is the precursor to a Political Science Degree or a career as a radio pundit. To me, debate means something else entirely: it was my saving grace, and a foundation from which my academic career and my sense of self would flourish.

My initial high school experience was one of absolute culture shock. I was a freshman leaving behind a six year tenure at an isolated charter school where everyone was your friend and teachers were addressed on a first name basis. My high school was the very antithesis of this setting: my entering class numbered over five hundred, and my social world had suddenly expanded nearly tenfold. For that entire first year I struggled to find a place where I was comfortable. I worked hard in my classes like I always had, but there was no passion or joy in what I did anymore because I had nobody to share it with.

That completely changed in my sophomore year when two students in my Spanish class became my ambassadors to the debate team. I joined hesitantly, but I was almost immediately hooked. Though the team was relatively new, it had already attracted a small and dedicated group of individuals, and it was with them that I found what I'd been missing in my high school experience up to that point. In debate I found friends who relished the idea of critical and analytical thought; to them, find passion in academic endeavors wasn't criminal. Just as importantly, every eccentricity was accepted within our group, and nobody was afraid to embarrass themselves in front of the others. For tournaments, our morning warm up included the ritual "Banana Dance" and we played ridiculous games of "Ninja" in between debate rounds to relax.

Debate was the incubator for these close relationships. It connected me with the most brilliant minds within my school and sent my academic career soaring. My friends' unique interests moved to pursue my own; I quickly embraced my undeniable love for math, a subject which I had long treated with contempt despite my affinity toward it. I was loath to enter the world of politics, but my desire to match my friends' success as varsity debaters drove me headfirst into it-not that it doesn't leave the occasional bad aftertaste. One friend's numerous calculator-based programs inspired me to attempt a basic programming class at the local junior college, and ultimately discover my future career.

While debate only occupies a relatively small portion of my week, its influence extends itself throughout every minute of my life. Debate introduced me to a world of spirited thinkers and future leaders. It has been a bastion of ambition and self expression for the past three years. These qualities have been instilled deep within me, and though I will be leaving debate behind as I graduate, I will carry them with me for the rest of my life.
AnonymousWriter 2 / 12  
Nov 26, 2011   #2
Your first sentence sounds really weird. Don't try to make your sentences too wordy. Just stick with "Only a few..."

But overall, your essay sticks out really well! I just suggest not to be too wordy. Not all admission readers will understand you thoroughly with your vocabulary. After all, the admissions people are college students

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