I just like some feedback on how I can improve my essay.
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Growing up, I remember being able to purchase almost anything I wanted, wasting money on pointless materialistic items. One day, all that changed. As I walked in the door, my father stood waiting for everyone. He sat us down and delivered the big news, he had recently been laid off. Immediately, I was struck with fear. I could not imagine what would happen if my father never found a job again. This fear scared my personality.
My father's job lost compelled me to reflect on my life. I began to realized how my life was better than many other people in the same situation. I had caring parents and other family members willing to help me overcome this difficulty. I grew to appreciate my surrounding and environment. Thing I commonly ignored, I began to notice. Charities stood out, I understood people were less fortunate than I and could not begin to complain about my situation. I grew an appreciation for everything I had around me. I cherished the house I stayed in and the food I ate. This appreciation continued long after my father got another job. I gained a new perspective of my life.
Since then, I felt a desire to help people who were less fortunate, not only financially, but also medically. I donated money and participated in AIDS walk. I am planning to volunteer at a homeless shelter during Thanksgiving to help others who are in situations worse than mine. I decided to participate in these events, not for financial reason, but a moral obligation, to help others who are in terrible situations escape.
This moral obligation will continue to reside within me. I reflected on my previous lifestyle and became disgusted. Refusing to return to my former materialistic lifestyle, I have embraced a spiritual change to impact others. As I continue throughout life, I will always remember the moment my life changed.
Good evening :)
How does one's personality become scared? Please explain this further, as your audience might not understand what you mean.
Instead of "surrounding," do you mean "surroundings?" Go back through your piece and look for other situations like this one; there are many. For instance, "Thing I commonly ignored..." should be "Things I commonly ignored..."
One doesn't gain a new perspective of life, they gain a new perspective on life.
You should explain further this spiritual change in which you impact others through; this would further develop the part of the prompt asking your to elaborate on how this event relates to the person you are now.
Regards,
Gloria
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