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My Spiritual Journey - UC Prompt #2


cire9753 2 / 4  
Nov 30, 2009   #1
(I want to be an engineering major, essay needs a lot of work, due tonight! Need help!)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Ever since I was in diapers I have been going to church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night. It never really crossed my mind if I felt like going to church that week, I just always did. It was the normal thing for me to do up until a few years ago when it became my decision whether I went or not. I had been forced to go for so long that once it was my decision to go or not, I rebelled and stopped going all together.

After a few months of spending my Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights home alone sleeping and watching reruns on TV, I decided to start going again. But this time it was going to be on my terms. On my first Wednesday back my Pastor Mark spoke an all too fitting message, which seemed to be directed right towards me. He talked about how youth often inherit their parent's religion and how we should break away from that and have our own personal relationships with God.

If I could think back and pinpoint one turning point in my life it would without a doubt be this night. I broke down crying and decided that I wanted a relationship with God for me and not for anyone else. After that I started getting involved, coming early and staying late, helping out any way I could. I would count the days down until the next day I would get to step into the student center building and experience the overwhelming sense of welcoming and friendship that was in there.

Some of the best memories I had in that building were from when it went through an 8 month remodel that I got to help with. Ethan, Alex, and I would meet up 4 or 5 times a week and swing open the two huge doors and spend hours on end fixing up the place. We couldn't get enough of it. People would constantly ask us when it would be finished and open. While we were excited to see the finished product, we were all a little bummed out that it finally had to end.

All in all, my church has played an enormous role in my life. It has shaped me as a son, a friend, and a follower of God. I know that now and in the future when I look back on my life, I will be able to identify going to church and having a personal relationship with God as something that has positively impacted me. It has been one of those meaningful experiences in life that has changed me. I have a different perspective on religion and I am now more open to try new things and look for the deeper meaning in everything I encounter.

(465 Words)
jampamz 6 / 33  
Nov 30, 2009   #2
I really like your piece. It's really powerful. However, I am going to nitpick because that's probably why you're even asking for help.

In the first paragraph, you say that you went to church without really thinking about it. You were indifferent towards it; it was just something you did. However, then you say that you felt that you were "forced" to go and refused to keep going.
OP cire9753 2 / 4  
Nov 30, 2009   #3
Ever since I was in diapers I have been going to church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night. It never really crossed my mind if I felt like going to church that week, I just always did. It was the normal thing for me to do up until a few years ago when it became my decision whether I went or not. I had been mindlessly going for so long that once presented with the option of doing something else, I took the opportunity and stopped going.

Is this better?
OP cire9753 2 / 4  
Nov 30, 2009   #4
please if anyone has any more edits for this essay they would be much appreciated!
qamar_721 1 / 2  
Nov 30, 2009   #5
Sticking to the point. Use of some higher vocabulary needed.

At the end of the first paragraph, if possible, fix "went or not" and "go or not"


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