Please give me some feedback on it. This is my first draft.
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it.
If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
I am a sport enthusiast. I would like to explain how it all started. Here is a secret that no one knows about me: At a young age I hated to stay at home so I joined volleyball team out of boredom. Yet what started as a boredom soon transformed into a desire to learn more. When I was asked why I joined it, I replied that it was a good idea to make friends. Ashamed of my parents would find out that I hated our home. But in the end, I am a player only until the game ends.
I am a reader. The sound of the wind rifling the pages and the smell of the old books. I'm buried in a book stepping into a various worlds constructed by an entirely different mind. From an historical world of Ancient Egypt from Tutankhamun's Armies to the magical and yet mystical school from Harry Potter. But my favorite thing about reading is that when you open a book you can be anything you want to be. I always find a way to be mesmerized by the worlds of others. And yet you can finish any books in a day but not the ones that your class requires. But I am a reader only until the last chapter.
I am a dancer. In the fifth grade, I engaged in a school dance club that allowed students to perform on crucial events. The timid little girl that learned to express her emotions through the swing of her arms and the movement of her body, the ones she never showed on her face. Escaping out of her crowd. Escaping from her shyness. While it causes me pain that my father does not approve of this choice, it has also taught me responsibility, independence, and survival. I also learned to be confident when I did something that I am good at, and still I enjoyed being alone at times. But I am a dancer only until the music stops.
I am a computer lover. My fascination with technology was sparked when, as a girl I started to play games like a Minecraft, Valorant. Full acceptance of the rather unhealthy addiction to social media, technology and games. I spent an immeasurable amount of time searching answers for the questions I have been wondering. How it worked inside? How it has been constructed? Aware of the lack of knowledge of mine, I was still eager to learn it. I found the topic of programming and the way coding operates with the efficient use of computer technology so intriguing, and very helpful to the human race evolve that I hope to study in the future.
Those are all me. I can dance and read just like other girls, at the same time I can play games and sports just like boys. I am all of this and so much more. Most of all, I am me.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 The written presentation fails to satisfy the information requirements as indicated. These activities are quite common among the youth of today. These references do not relate to the background, identity , or interest of the applicant that would set his candidacy apart from the others. This is more of a generalized personal statement rather than the necessary single, unique personality focus. While the response is informative, it falls more under the open topic prompt instead of the topic focused prompt. Consider changing to the open prompt instead.
If this specific prompt is to be used, then I suggest that the topic focuses more on a unique singular activity that speaks of something memorable about the person. Right now, that does not exist in the presentation.
