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sport ps - leadership and understanding :)

tunglx1610 1 / 1  
Oct 27, 2013   #1
I need help with this ps, anyone :( the deadline is very close now

(topic of your own)

Half time of the championship semi-final, we are losing by one goal because of Hoang's mistake. Our opponent is Yenhoa high school, the most weighed candidate for the championship. But being lead by one goal is not the worst thing when my team is considered underdog. However, coach is not satisfied with the score.

"I told you not to rush into attack! See what you done!", coach Tu can't help hiding his anger. Hoang looks at the ground to hide his regretful face.

"Minh, you play. Promise me to do your best and do NOT make that silly mistake again.", coach tries to calm his voice.

Coach Tu is about to withdraw Hoang and replace him by a substitution. This is an understandable decision for a coach when the player has made a big mistake. Looking in Hoang eyes, I see a sight of resign but still great dedication. I don't like the idea of withdrawing him.

"Please calm down, sir", I raise my voice.
"What? You didn't see what he did? Only an amateur would play so reckless like that!", coach looks at Hoang with an obvious sight of anger in his face.

"But don't you think that it would be worse if we panic and blame each other?"
"Yeah coach, I agree with Tung", some of my fellows say.
"Please give him 15 more minutes", I speak to coach.
"Hoang has made the mistake and learned the lesson, I guarantee he wouldn't do that again. And he would do anything to make up for it."

"I don't trust him.", Coach gives Hoang another stare.
"But you should trust me"
I see a slight change in coach's eye. Of course he trusts me. I have never make him disappointed.
"Okay. 10 minutes"
Coach agrees with me for granted. He still suspects but his anger seems to be released.
I walk to Hoang and touch his shoulder.
"Thanks", Hoang gives me a forced smile.
"What are you saying? We are brothers isn't it?"
"But I've made a mistake, I should be..."
"No. You should play. You are the key player for my new strategy."
Hoang still looks wary.
"Remember our training exercise? I pass, you shoot. We will do it on the field today."
His eyebrows knitted. Seem like he has gained back his confidence. Great!
The second half is underway. I see that coach is observing two of us strictly. No more mistakes are allowed. Our counter-attack strategy really works well. Hoang receives my long pass in a comfortable area and beats the keeper to equalize the score.

Coach seems to be satisfied.
Opponents continues to attack recklessly and again leaves us many space in mid-field. Hoang ends up my cross with a powerful kick and gets us in front. Yenhoa's spirit greatly goes down after taking that goal.

Coach smiles and claps his hands. "Great teamwork!" he comments. Sounds like he would keep Hoang in for the rest of the game, not for only 10 minutes.

After the match, everyone looks happy, especially Hoang. He can't stop smiling. He is properly the most impressive player on the field, scoring 2 goals to make up for his mistake. Another thing makes me proud is that Hoang doesn't disappoint my trust and obeys completely my given strategy. "Thanks Hoang", I tell him, "You saved the day."
sthakur 2 / 22 7  
Oct 27, 2013   #2
Although, I liked how it was interesting to read because it was in dialogues, you should provide a lot more commentary to make the reader understand your thought process rather than just looking at what you told them. And stress on what it's like to be a leader and how you helped your team. Also, there are a few grammatical errors that needs correction.
OP tunglx1610 1 / 1  
Oct 27, 2013   #3
thanks ;) I also received cmt like that of yours bit I found that writing a dramatic dialogue is extremely difficult :'(

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