Springfield College Physician's Assistance Addmission Essay

Hi thank you for reading my post. Here is the question...

Q. Comment on the aspects of your life which have led you to select Physician's Assistance as your major and why you believe Springfield College will meet your educational needs.

When I view society, I see many people who are struggling with their lives. The majority of the youth of America are infatuated with a culture of insatiable consumption and the nation's values are falling apart. I believe that there is a need for driven individuals that are willing to put forth the work to help others. As a Physician's Assistant I would have to opportunity to help others in need. Springfield College has an excellent and specialized program that will give me the skills necessary to be successful.

In any medical field there is much that cannot be taught. One needs to possess intelligence, empathy, and wherewithal. These traits are part of who I am, regardless of what I do, and I believe that I should use them to do make a positive difference in the lives of others. Because my parents separated when I was young, I have had to do a lot for myself and my younger siblings from an early age. This independence will help me to the clear first obstacle in the way of my goal of becoming a PA; the difficulty of college work.

Although I have led a fairly fortunate life, it has not been without challenges. However, in times of high stress and urgency I am able to emotionally detach myself from a situation. The application of this will become clear the first time someone comes into the ER with a tree branch through their head. Except for large spiders, there is not much that can make me nauseous or disturb my concentration. When someone needs medical attention a PA must be able to act swiftly.

Where do you think I should go with this essay ( subjects for more paragraphs) ?

How much more should I write?

Is there anything that I should get rid of or change?

... ...

Thank you very much and I'm looking forward to everyones input.

-Chris

Within your essay, I think that "physician's assistant" should not be capitalized, because it is not a proper noun in that context. However, when talking about it as the name of a program at Springfield College, it is a proper noun.

Fix the sentence that includes: "and I believe that I should use them to do make a positive difference" ... fix it by taking out the word "do." I see that it is just a typo...

How do you feel about rearranging the sentences in the second paragraph?

Because my parents separated when I was young, I have had to do a lot for myself and my younger siblings from an early age. This independence will help me to the clear first obstacle in the way of my goal of becoming a PA; the difficulty of college work. In any medical field there is much that cannot be taught. One needs to possess intelligence, empathy, and wherewithal. These traits are part of who I am, regardless of what I do, and I believe that I should use them to do make a positive difference in the lives of others.

Get rid of the word "however" in this third paragraph:
... has not been without challenges. In times of high stress and urgency I am able to

I think you should use these 3 paragraphs as the BODY of the essay, and add 1 paragraph to the beginning and 1 paragraph to the end, for a total of 5.

You need to form one powerful sentence that tells what led you to select Physician's Assistance, and another powerful sentence that tells about some of the strong points of Springfield Colleges program. Let these two sentences be the basis for the first paragraph. For the last paragraph, restate the first paragraph in different words. Good luck!!