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SSRF - motivation letter for applying a project

Chenxi_D 1 / -  
Dec 3, 2019   #1

knowledge of information security

I am writing to express my interest in pursuing a chance to participate SSRF and search on information and system security area. I wish to attend to this program to obtain a better understanding of how to make contribution to the literature and a deep knowledge of information security.

The undergraduate curriculum in computer science introduces me a variety of mathematics and professional computer. After finishing participating SURF as a volunteer about decentralizing block chain in my school and completing a conference paper related to unbalanced key agreement, I began to read paper about cryptography and key agreement once a week and learned to use neural network for anomaly detection. Therefore, I develop a particular interest in being a researcher and joining the exploration of different aspects of information security with increasing understanding of information security.

I now wish to extend my interest with completing the program, which is a good chance to help me to attach different theories or applications about security in different scenarios. More importantly, the academic atmosphere in ETH will provide a positive influence on being aware of how I can make a new contribution to the existing literature as a researcher.

After three years of project in various courses, I have rich experience in arranging research process and exploring solution for problems. In addition, the critical thinking of evaluating papers and the ability to integrate the ideas of others to optimize my own idea have been enhanced when I finished my paper and participating SURF. Therefore, I am confident that I can complete the research project by applying my abilities and my experience in exploring information security area

After accomplishing SSRF, I gain a more rigorous attitude in research and a more complete system for security. I plan to pursue a master within security area by leverage the abilities to support my year 4.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Dec 3, 2019   #2
Welcome here! I'm here to provide feedback on this essay of yours to hopefully help you in your future endeavors.

The first introductory sentence was great. However, from then onward, you had quite a lot of excessive details that cluttered your writing. For instance, inserting how you want to "contribute to the literature" in the very first paragraph was quite baffling as the rest of your text didn't necessarily discuss this. Instead, what you could have done was shifted this line to the bulky body paragraph and made it the central point of discussion when it comes to your long-term motivations - the reasons why you want to be part of the program.

Try to also create more concise sentences that do not have filler words in them. For example, in your second to the last paragraph, you could have merged the second sentence into something which would reflect that the "idea of critical thinking as seen by the integration of ideas" was your purpose. Notice how lines such as this are more cohesive and do not sacrifice a great deal of the writing.
XPROFF 4 / 16 13  
Dec 3, 2019   #3

Welcome to the forum.

I would like to share some insight on how you may further improve your writing.

You have a good and well organised essay, however i think you can still improve on the contents.

Firstly I suggest you do not use acronym in your writing and also use academic terms to explain you statement. For example in the First paragraph ...search on information and system security area...would rather..search in the field of information and system security..

And second line..and a deep knowledge ..would rather..in depth knowledge...try using academic terms in all your paragraph.

Secondly organizing your thoughts in a coherent way would better give good impression on your writing. Also omit background information of your undergraduate and focus on what has changed you to pursue this project that reflects your academic,personality and experience.

Thirdly the examples and experience must show how passionate and determined you are to get this project and how it you would make a difference to you future endeavor..

You can make a more better writing with ideas.

I hope this ideas helps you in your writing.

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