Do I need to rewrite this? I felt good when I finished it but now I'm not so sure. Plz be harsh!
I know it is hard to believe that a Chinese should enjoy possibility, especially someone from undeveloped western part, where destinies of most people are already settled since they were born. However, I do.
Most people here are "supposed" to live their life. They go to schools which are the nearest to their homes, do jobs which are the same as their parents', marry people they have known since their childhood, and live the same life ever since. "Stabilization" is what all people seek after.
I was one of them but things began to change when I read a book in which one character could forecast his future. "No, it's not the life that I want." I said to myself, "I want possibility."
What I want is my curiosity for tomorrow in which limitless fresh things are waiting for me to explore and unknown future is driving me to study and work.
I picture myself to be enthusiastic in every day of my university life and to be ready to learn new ideas from the best peers and professors all around the world.
I imagine myself working on an innovative business project. Though it is bold, I would like to make an attempt because I believe that success always starts with risks.
I envision myself travelling around Europe, taking free rides from countries to countries, meeting and saying goodbye to new friends, and enjoying different cultures every day.
Although I may experience much unstable time with ups and downs, I still appreciate all these experiences whether they are sweet or bitter because they help me to grow, show me the wider world as well as the color of my life.
Although the road I choose may lead to nowhere and my energy will be a waste, I'll never regret because I've tried my best to build my dreams, and I'll always enjoy the scenery along my way whether I could arrive at the peak or not.
Although one day when I wake up I may realize that I am in an unfamiliar country with few people I know, I would love to learn about them and try everything new.
I cherish possibility because it inspires me to learn, to think, to feel, and to grow.
Hello! I really like your essay and the theme that carries. However, I feel like it's kind of choppy. It would be great if you can connect the thoughts together. By the way, do you mind if I ask what book is it? It sounds intriguing.
I like your ending! I don't think you should rewrite the entire essay; however I do suggest that you elaborate more on the book that inspired you. Like a particular quote?
Saying "a book" might be somewhat general. Also, I think you should have a concrete example to focus on (eg. what you did to explore possibility around the limited resources you have) instead of writing about what you imagine. This might help you to stand out more.
But again, this might be just my own opinion. Good luck with your applications!