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'Standing up and my Cheerleading experience' - college entrance ut austin

alexisdanielle 2 / 3  
Nov 8, 2012   #1
As a child I grew up loving cheerleading and dance. Whenever I had problems,
I would look to cheer to escape from it all. I could never imagine anyone
taking that love away from me, until my eleventh grade year of high school.
High school is supposed to be a place where you can escape from it all. This
is a place where you formulate the type of person that you want to become in
life and where you can be anyone you want to be. This is where teachers are
supposed to guide and motivate their students. Unfortunately, not all high
schools are like this for educator's lack the motivation of which should be in
their genetic make-up as teachers to help their students out a little bit. You
often hear about the evil teenage girls or jock high school boys bullying
someone; however, it is rare to hear that the very educator who is supposed to
instill inspiration within their students are the very people who are at the
bullying side of the story.
I was a student at Idea academy 6th grade through 9th grade. I always watched
movies and imagined having an exciting high school experience filled with
adventures, so I moved to Edinburg North High School my sophomore year. I was
amazed and absolutely loved the school spirit associated with football games,
basketball games, but most importantly that pride which was associated from the
cheer team. So I decided that I would tryout. On March 29, 2010, my high
school dream of becoming a varsity cheerleader came true. Little did I know
what I was getting myself into at the time.
My adventure as a cheerleader was wonderful for it initially started with a
cheer camp of which solidified the team environment; however, upon our return,
I learned of the harsh realities which awaited me. Our cheer squad was in the
process of learning a new routine while the captains had a bit of difficulty
learning new motions, so being a part of a competition squad outside of school
enabled me to attempt to assist. Because of my willingness to move forward, I
chimed in and provided new insight on ideas and concepts. The following
morning, my coach started lecturing us on how we need to "shut our mouths" and
"realize what our position on the squad is." This is where the bullying began.
I sat in my spot and stared at her in awe and embarrassment, because everyone
knew who she was talking about - me! Throughout the football season, I was
pushed to the back because I "needed to earn my spot on the team". I took it
because I was to believe that I wasn't good enough to be in a better position
even though I was ranked second out of all of them according to the judges at
our tryout.
For random reasons, I started receiving demerits for the most miniscule of
things that I did wrong. If I showed up a minute late, I received a demerit or
if I was wearing the wrong kind of pony tail holder, there went another
demerit. One day, I had to take a test after school and missed twenty minutes
of practice, even excused, I received a demerit even though my priority was my
education. The harassing escalated to the point where I was scared to go to
practice, because I knew that the bullying would commence. It finally got to
the point where I urged my mother to assist me in advocating for equal
treatment within the cheer squad. The problem was not the demerits, but the
continued harassment which followed. Instead of this educator inspiring the
growth of the squad, she disabled us from having a voice and enjoy the craft
that we loved so much. I came to the realization that even one person had the
ability to negatively impact the masses. She was not like many educators who I
had in the past who inspired and motivated us to achieve greatness, but rather,
she was an individual who pinpointed flaws and corrupted what most educators
strive to aspire which is the willingness to positively change the lives of
their students.
Due to the constant bullying imparted by this educator, I proceeded to
discuss this matter directly with our cheer sponsor, Mrs. Acosta, along with my
mother. Unfortunately, the retaliation and humiliation was unbearable for she
informed all of the cheer squad that I was a "snitch" which was extremely
hurtful. Afterwards, our cheer squad collectively fought together to bring
this to the attention of our administration for this cancer continued to grow,
and the end result was that nothing was done.
This situation taught me about growth, the ability to speak up against those
who harm us, and most importantly, about my personal resilience which evolved
during a time of distress. I now realize that great educators who are aware of
the power in which they have, choose their words and actions carefully while
bullies show their power recklessly, frequently resorting to anger and
intimidation, and educators are not the exception. I still believe that
teachers who have the ability to connect with their students in efforts to
allow a student to realize that they are much more than a number is what
differentiates great teachers from your below average educators . Because of
this, I now have a voice and have learned to stand up regardless of the
adversity at hand.

rondevious 1 / 13 3  
Nov 11, 2012   #2
I wasn't able to read all of it,

but you should consider changing your first sentence.
"As a child..." is very generic in nearly all the essays admission readers are going to see.
newport - / 1  
Nov 11, 2012   #3
It is very good, but way too long.
You should take out some parts.
I also think you should start it with a better hook or something more catchy.

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