Any comments or critiques are greatly appreciated
thank you so much!!
Ever since I was young, my parents, like stereotypical Asian parents who wish the best for their children, would often hint at top universities which of course includes Stanford. Despite their firm ideals, I have also realized the importance of listening to myself to find out what I would be happy with, particularly during my college search. Therefore when I first started there were a wide range of possible colleges that I was interested in including both public and private and both near in California and far in the East coast. However as I researched each college one by one, I came to realize that Stanford is a college that can satisfy both my desire for a challenging curriculum and personal content.
My first observations of Stanford were the beauty of the campus itself, the small city location, and its relative proximity to my home, all of which, to me, are inviting characteristics my perfect college.
However more important than Stanford's outer appearances, is its strong academic program. The importance of a good education paired with hard-work has always been a strong emphasis in my family. When I reached high school, my parents encouraged me to go to a highly academically oriented college-preparatory school. Despite my initial reluctance, I finally came to make one of the best decisions in my life. I admit there were times at 2 or 3 am when I wondered if all the hours of lost sleep was worth it, however with the support of friends and the satisfaction of successfully completing another "challenge", whether it was writing a 12 tone composition or analyzing themes in Pirsig's The Zen and Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, made everything worthwhile. In a college, I hope to find this same kind of rigorous yet rewarding education. With Stanford's top professors, research labs, and diverse and inspiring students, I know that Stanford can offer exactly this along with strong programs in my current interests in biological sciences and foreign languages, two interests which I hope to one day combine into studying comparative medicine.
Your first paragraph can be eliminated. It has nothing to do with why Stanford is a good place for you. It is merely a very long-winded statement of the idea that it is a good place for you, something that the prompt already assumes. You could replace the material lost by cutting the first paragraph by elaborating on why the aspects of Stanford mentioned in your second paragraph are important to you.
okk that makes sense. thank you!!
i will do that now.
is the grammar ok?...
My first observations of Stanford were the beauty of the campus itself, the small city location, and its relative proximity to my home. These are the characteristics my perfect college.
However More important than Stanford's outer appearances, is its strong academic program.
(...) In a college, I hope to find this same kind of rigorous yet rewarding education.
Now start a concluding paragraph with a meaningful sentence about the central meaning of the essay... and continue : With Stanford's top professors, research labs, and diverse and inspiring students, I know that Stanford can offer exactly this along with strong programs in my current interests in biological sciences and foreign languages, two interests which I hope to one day combine into studying comparative medicine.
That book by Pirsig is important, BTW!! Check out books by Eckhart Tolle and Shunryu Suzuki!!!
I agree with the deletion of the first paragraph, however you can use some of your past experiences to further your point about why Stanford is a good place for you. Elaborating more would be nice.
I think that talking about stereotypical Asian parents is too cliche
Hey there, you need to focus your attention to the question! Adding on to the comments above, I feel that you need to talk about extracurriculars at stanford as well to boost the reasons why you want to attend stanford. Definitely stanford is not just about academics. Provide more reasons and I mean stronger reasons that would differentiate you from the rest!
All the best! (:
Hello,
I think your writing is very good, but definately try to be more specific as to why you want to go to Stanford. Harvard and Yale also have strong academics and beautiful campuses, along with hundreds of other colleges. What makes Stanford special to you? Maybe go more in depth about why you like the biological sciences and foreign languages programs, or why you chose a private research university over a liberal arts college, etc. Maybe even talk about your first experience at Stanford if you visited it, I think it said you observed it, but that can be online too lol.
Good luck!
