Stanford Intellectual Vital; "world free from the barriers of social prejudices"

So I wrote this essay for Stanford the past few weeks but I'm still not sure if it answers the prompt... and I have no clue how to end this thing. In need of desperate help... Tear it up for me, please!!

****
Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging. (1800 characters)

Two of the three major pandemics are speculated to have originated in China. SARS broke out in Guangdong; the first incidences of avian flu were in Hong Kong. Upon this statement, my friends snickered, "It's China, what more can you expect?" It was not the first time I received such a haughty response. But every time I hear someone make an irritably condescending remark about China I ponder the ironic cultural double-standard in their statement, enhanced by the fact that the modern world is in a globalizing era.

It is truly interesting to see a deepening gorge of stereotypes despite the onset of a globalizing village: a world free from the barriers of social prejudices and biased ideological remnants, but more so of a world that embraces cultural heterogeneity. With its strong manpower and abundant resources, China has undoubtedly emerged as a peer competitor in recent years. It is number one in trade volume; even major world powers are increasingly relying on China for subsidiary franchisees and industrial expansion. This increasing power increasingly influences our daily lives. Today, many students strive to learn Chinese and indulge themselves in made-in-China products that they so despise. How is it that people cherish the goods that they purchase, but belittle the very country that those goods were made in?

Perhaps cultural double standards, whether pertaining to China or not, are only the two sides of a coin that cannot be separated. Or perhaps it is an inconsistency that needs to be harmonized.

*****
So please tear it up, rip it in to shreds!!

What on earth makes you think that the world is freeing itself from either of these things?


Because China has, as you pointed out at the beginning of the essay, spawned two major pandemics in recent memory, one of which it tried to cover up even at the risk of spreading what could have been a devastating plague around the world. Because the Chinese government is not a democratic one, but a tyrannical one, and acts accordingly. Because it executes political dissidents, persecutes whole groups of people, and suppresses free speech, even going so far as to try to control the Internet. Because while it has embraced many capitalist policies, it has done so for the wrong reasons, and because that is the last temptation, which is also the greatest treason.

Sorry, I just wanted to point out that the question you posed was in no way rhetorical. Ending a paragraph with a non-rhetorical question is a mistake, because it invites the reader to supply his own answer, as I have done above, which may not be the answer you have in mind.

Huh... haven't thought about it that way! =) I guess this essay needs major major corrections. Thanks for the feedback! =D

You can still write an essay about how discussing China was an intellectually vital experience, and how you wish to make others aware that China is more than just the negative actions of its government . . .

What you said is similar to the topic of my original essay (a longer version) but I guess as I was shortening it to fit the 1800 characters that part was deleted... Now I feel like my head's clearing up a little. Thanks! =)

I personally would not say that this is an intellectual idea, as much as it is just a random musing. Hee Eun Kim, you do not offer any intellectual input to this idea. Rather, you just make unqualified statements that in effect, reveal some level of bias on your part.


^Fre from social prejudice? How has China embraced cultural heterogeneity? These are examples of unqualified statements. These are just your opinions. They have every right to be true, but in that case, these opinions need to be validated at the very least. Strong manpower and abundant resources? Strong and abundant in comparison to which countries?

Sean did an excellent job in regards to the rhetorical question. From his post alone, you can see how anyone can be invited to answer for themselves. Furthermore, considering the logical response that Sean has been able to provide, that rhetorical question can also suggest that you have not done enough homework on China itself, which in effect, fails to make this an intellectually engaging idea. (It can also just show that you have dogmatic views regarding China and that you have failed to look at the other side of the argument. EDIT: I think it is fair to say that dogma rarely appeals in Admissions Essays.)

I revised my essay... based on a similar idea but totally different wordings... Tear this one apart for me! I'm not too sure whether it addresseds the prompt or not... =)(by the way, I am not Chinese... if that clears up my stance in the essay)

***
I have lived eleven years in China. I have witnessed, at the frontline, the major changes that China has gone through over the last decade or so. Along with the array of developments, the stereotypes and biases against China also seems to have grown. Products made in China are now generalized as cheap counterfeits, and the Chinese people have been generalized as advocates of suppression. What is interesting, at least to me, is that those who maintain such views are those who have seen only the superficial sides, those who do not know the true inside world.

My friends snicker when I stand on China's side. "You're so Chinese," they say, with a tint of arrogance. I understand where their attitudes come from: the Urumqi crisis, the persecution of religions, and the censorship of the internet probably lead them to think that their country is better off than China. Surprisingly though, they have only been in China for at most a month for a trip. I am not in support of the abovementioned aspects, but I do wish to tell them a quote I read, "You can write a book about China after a year in China, but you can't after ten years."

China's development hasn't always conformed to what the rest of the world believes. But those are only part of the picture. China has a land mass of 10 million square kilometers and a population of over a billion; they are not necessarily represented by the few people of the central government.

I want people to experience the welcome that I felt during the years I spent in China. I want people to hear the encouragement I received from strangers while climbing Mt. Tai, to taste the homemade food at the average Chinese home, to see the tears shed over gratitude for those who aid, and to realize that China can't be summarized by one simple sentence.

***

Liebe,

"^Fre from social prejudice? How has China embraced cultural heterogeneity?"

That wasn't what I was aiming for in the first essay... so I guess I was totally off track. Could you perhaps take a look at my second one? I'm not too sure if it answers the prompt... maybe this one's a failure too =P But thanks for the feedback!

You should make the diseases sound more deadly

China is poised to overtake the US on the world stage.
Chinese outnumber Americans 4-5:1.
They are smarter than Americans on average.
Their economy will be the largest by 2050 or so.
China has a very rich history.

The U.S. was founded on the systematic destruction of indigenous Native Americans and on the backs of Africans who were shackled, shipped, and slaved brutally. The only country ever to detonate atomic bombs, vaporizing hundreds of thousands of civilians, including men women and children, and horribly disfiguring more.

Observe those pictures online of the "survivors." We don't have to stop at those highlights; the tradition of murdering civilians is being upheld with great honor today.