Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
Any help will be appreciated :)
epilepsy and inspiration
Living an ordinary life is all I ever wanted as a kid. For the longest time, I thought I was broken and every day was a struggle to live. By the time, I was 7, my class was involved in a bus accident coming back from Mystic Aquarium. I was asleep and hit my head hard on the metal surrounding the bus window. A few days later a seizure occurred. By the time my third seizure occurred I was brought to the emergency room and after hours of tests on me, I was told I had epilepsy and could not see flashing lights or be on electronics for no more than an hour a day. I was already in love with computer gaming at the time so I was distraught to the fact I could game as often as I could.
After living with epilepsy for six years, and still not being able to use electronics for no more than an hour a day. I decided enough was enough, I wanted to use a computer for as long as I wanted even if another seizure struck. My decision to start using computers for a long period after my epilepsy problem, encouraged me to understand how computers worked, which led to me creating ROMs for my phone and tablet and then studying Python. Even though epilepsy ruined my life initially, it inspired me to become a future programmer, it allowed me to become a part of a community.@bryant_g
Hi
Ok. So, admissions officers sit down and read your essay. Reading it from their perspective I can not see how your seizure inspired you to become a computer programmar because I believe you were already interested in the field, you just could not do it. The seizure did not trigger you to be inspired. You can be inspired by someone or something and then pursue a passion but I am kind of confused on how the seizure led you to want to be a computer programmar. Was I able to make my point? In addition, I believe your essay would benefit if you reflect on what you learned and what you got out of your experience instead of explaining how the seizure took over you. Because more than any story or experience, I believe the reviewer needs to see how you have grown as a person and will make a difference and contribute to their campus. This is speaking through the lens of an admissions officer. Not that I am considered one; it's just what they look for.
Keep in mind, your personality should be reflected in the essay. You should tell the reader what you learned.
My suggestions are only what I think. They are not absolutely correct but you are welcome to use them if you think they are neccesary to change your essay.
Good luck.
@mualla
Though the above mentioned experience may seem good to you, it is not for the selection committee. I can see that your essay was written fast and carelessly, therefore, you need to rethink about deeper reasons that inspired you to choose a major in computer science and to become a programmer in the future. As you know this field is not easy to be admitted in, and it is highly competitive.
Best of Luck in your studies.
@bryant_g
I agree with @mualla. I can't really see the relation between epilepsy and becoming inspired to do computer programming. I found your story interesting though. Is there any other way you can use it other than for inspiring you to become a programmer?
Here is a whole new essay, I tried to use the feedback given, that happened in the middle of the original essay, I need to cut it down but don't know where also I want to know which essay is better. Thanks to anybody who responds
"I'll get you your phone," My mom told me as I was locked out of the house again
After weeks of looking for a smartphone, I finally choose the LG Thrill. I only chose it because it had a 3D camera and a 3D display which I found super cool at only age 11. I didn't really care about the OS or the specs back then because I thought it was super cool, especially since the only thing I had before that was my computer.
As I grew, I found out phones were getting faster and my phone was starting to show its age. At the time, I didn't have the money to get a new phone and I had only one more month on my contract. I grew sick and tired that I had a slow phone, I just couldn't take it anymore I had to do something. I searched high and low on the internet looking for a way to speed up my phone but couldn't find anything except the basic tips of freeing up space or disabling aminations, which didn't even work, it frustrated me that I did not have power over my phone. Until I came across Xda-developers, I found out about the world of rooting and compiling ROMs, I was fascinated about what could be done. But I couldn't root my phone it was the most difficult thing ever at the time.
Few months after trying to root my LG Thrill, and failing multiple times, I upgraded to the LG G2 and got a Samsung tablet. I could root my LG G2 and Samsung tablet super easily after learning some basic tips on rooting. I didn't stop there, I couldn't I needed to make my phone mine. What I did next blew my mind, I compiled a ROM for both my phone and tablet from the ground up, I finally created something, it was the most exciting thing I ever did in my life, I loved every second of it. These early experiences motivated me to keep on creating new ROMS, which led me to learn how to code with Python and apply my new knowledge to my future projects.
Your second essay is good, I mean it's good if you are writing a story but not for a university supplement. No offense but I think the major problem is you are not able to show your intellectual vitality in a detailed way through essay.
You are using most of your essay saying about the past but not how you became passionate in creating new ROMS. As you mentioned in your essay I was fascinated about what could be done , I think this one sentence is not enough to convey your passion.
And I don't think this line is a best fit I didn't stop there, I couldn't I needed to make my phone mine
, it sounds like a child technology geek.
Most of your essay is on giving explanations for what/why you did, I think you should mention more precisely how you became expert in creating ROMS and what made you do that.
I hope my suggestions are useful, but don't mind if I am wrong.
Best of luck!
