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Stanford- Intellectually Engaging- Dogs brain


tchonis05 4 / 8  
Dec 27, 2009   #1
Okay so this is just my first draft and I know it doesn't sound very good at all right now but I am kind of hitting a road block with determining how to fix it. Thank you so much for the help! Be harsh if needed

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

Sprinting at full speed in circles around the yard, the dogs' only objective is to have fun. As I sit in my house, flipping through channels and complaining how bored I am, the two dogs could not imagine anything else more fun. To dogs, there is no need for digital cable, high-speed internet, or even board games, in which some humans consider vital. What exactly about the human brain causes trivial activities such as playing with a ball to be so boring? As humans, our sophisticated brains have enabled us to create objects and materials to keep absolutely anyone entertained at some level. Dogs, with their less sophisticated brains, seem perfectly content with staring outside at nothing for hours at end. Do they experience boredom? Feel a purpose in life? Do they ever wish for something more exciting? As I make my way through life, I am always searching for ways to make my life stimulating and meaningful. Dogs never have that overwhelming urge to accomplish something in their lives. They are perfectly content with their lives now and always will be. What I find intriguing is how the human brain is capable of so much more complex thinking than a dog's brain. I understand that humans have many more synapses and neural connections than all the other animals, but how does that enable us to do all the things we can do that dogs cannot? Sometimes, I think life would be much easier to be a dog. The gift of complex thinking is many times a curse. How often do we find ourselves stressing or complaining about our lives? In a dog's world, life is simple.
pafablach 4 / 7  
Dec 28, 2009   #2
I think you need a better hook in the begining.

What's unique about this essay is the way you address the promp, talking about an engaging idea you had rather than an experience, which is the rout I have seen most people take.

I like your use of rhetorical questions, but I think you go a bit overboard.
medelman2010 11 / 31  
Dec 28, 2009   #3
This is a really interesting idea for an essay! I think it is going to turn out really well!

Some suggestions:

"As I sit in my house, flipping through channels and complaining how bored I am, the two dogs could not imagine anything else more fun to be doing (or something of this nature) . "

After this line add something about how this question intrigues you...make sure you bring it back to yourself- they want to learn about YOU not about the topic "What exactly about the human brain causes trivial activities such as playing with a ball to be so boring?"

At the end maybe change your tactic a little bit. I understand what you are saying about it being simple, but at Stanford they want you to love the questioning, the thirst for knowledge, and you want to make sure your essay reflects that about you.

Great job!


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